Gulty for leaving my Dad - feel trapped...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2013
Gulty for leaving my Dad - feel trapped...
12
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 12:18am

No way to delete my posts, so editing instead!!

 

 

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 08-27-2013 - 8:17pm

Good that you talked to him and don't need to feel bad. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2013
Tue, 08-27-2013 - 3:01am

I am so ridiculous. he is absolutely fine with me moving away. I am so relieved. I just wanted to share that for anyone else's benefit - you've got to talk about these things!! I can't believe what a head case I am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2013
Tue, 08-27-2013 - 3:00am

Hey Karenbfree, thanks for your supportive response. It was just that i didnt want people to be hurt or offended reading some of the comments I made about them.

I'm going to think on it for a little longer until I make a decision. It may need to be a move I make in the near future and not immedietely, but if i mention now that it's something I would like to work towards, rather than just saying I'm leaving and go right away, I think it might be less traumatic for everyone involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2002
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 3:55am
Maybe another trip to SF to visit your friends there will energize you a bit and help you get your head clear. Yes, it is good to have a plan but sometimes when following what feels right, the plan reveals itself, step by step. One plan was to come to the States to try out your wings, live with Dad a while and in his town. That is not working. Right now SF ------is calling to you and you have a friendly place to stay while checking it out, getting the feel for it. Getting yourself a bit energized would be good. Sounds like you may be a bit depressed. I was in my 20s when I felt I was ready to move from my home town. I left my job and took the summer off to travel around and visit friends and check out different places. That completely change my life. One of the places I visited I fell in love with, so i applied for work there and got three job offers. Another place I visited, I met the man I ended up marrying. The marriage did not work out so years later, I went back to my first love. Life is just not a straight path to somewhere. It is usually very zig zagged. Years later when I wanted to move back I intended to do it the right way, get a job, find a place to live and then move my family there. I did not get the job I wanted, they wanted someone who lived there. The family member I'd hoped would have the kids for a week or so wile I went job hunting and house hunting bailed on me. I was certain that that is where I wanted to live. So when my lease was up at the old place, I loaded all my belonging, two kids, two dogs, two cats and a bird into the car and a u-haul. Made reservations at the Motel 6 and an appointment with a house hunter and hit the road. Exactly two days later we found the perfect place in the neighborhood I wanted to live with the rent I could afford. It was one of the best moves I ever made. If anyone you know happens across this thread you have nothing to be ashamed of. Oh dear, I just realized that it is now obvious who I am if anyone I know happens across this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2013
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 11:41pm

No way to delete posts so editing instead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2013
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 11:37pm

I am going to delete my posts now because I think it would be really obvious who I was if anyone I knew happened across this thread! Thank you all very much for your responses, they were gratefully received. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 8:44pm

Ok that was a long response but I do have to add a couple of things--first of all you have to decide where to live and what to do based on what you want to do--you can't do it out of guilt.  IT's too bad that when your parents split, you were so far from your dad, but you didn't make that decision.  You really can't make up for lost time.  You can only have a relationship now.  It's nice that he asked you to come live with him & you are trying it out but if you end up not liking it here & want to go back to the UK, don't feel like a failure.  It was something that you tried and you don't know whether something is for you until you try it out--sometimes things don't work out.  That being said, I think you should also give it a chance before you decide.  Of course you're going to be lonely for a while until you make friends here & it's a lot harder to make friends w/o having a job.  I do think SF would be a better fit or some major city that may be likely to have big law firms with a branch office in the UK--I'd really research those firms.  You must know that the job market here is not that great and there is a lot of competition for law firm jobs (I'm a lawyer) so you might have to take a job doing something else.  I don't understand why your father was go gung-ho on you opening a food cart if you don't have a background in the food industry, not to mention that it's hard to start your own business.  But you have to do what's right for your career.  My DD is 24 and a nurse--she had to move out of state to find a good job.  I don't like it that she's an 8 hr car ride (or short plane flight) away but it was important for her to start off on her career.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2013
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 8:39pm

I don't really know where I want to be. I don't have a plan. To be frank, I think I've run out of steam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2013
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 8:37pm

That is interesting to comtemplate. Every move I have ever made, I am running away from some place. And that is a lot of moves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2002
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 7:59pm

This is an excellent response.  Yes, it is much better to be planning going to soeplace than running away from a place.

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