Has anyone ever cut off contact with their family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Has anyone ever cut off contact with their family?
Thu, 12-22-2011 - 4:58pm

I have slowly started to consider cutting off contact with my family, with the exception of my uncles and aunts. I usually only see my dad on holidays (he suffers from depression and severly hoards, but cannot admit he has a problem), which is adequate space for me. I moved in with my mom and brother to take care of my mom during metastatic breast cancer chemotherapy (which is over), but living with them in close quarters extremely shows their codependency on each other-I am moving out as soon as my lease is over in April. My mom bases her emotions off of my brother, who is her golden child. My brother cannot hold on to a job, has stolen hundreds of dollars from my mom, totaled her car, failed enough college to be behind two years, and lacks basic hygene skills (using toilet paper and flushing the toilet). His girlfriend keeps a public tumblr about my family, calling my mom the C*** with cancer and writing entries about me being psycho. My mom just keeps hoping he'll change so tries to give him what he wants. He can't function in the real world. When I call her out on that, she will hit me like I am 12 again and cry. I was never treated as well as my brother because I was very shy and overweight, and I spent years in therapy working through my feelings. Now, I realize that their problems are NOT mine. I'm feeling trapped, and I'm only 26. Something's gotta go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
You signed a lease when you live with your Mother? If its not legally binding I would high tail it out of there ASAP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
LOL...it is because I moved from a smaller apartment to a larger one to fit 3 people. We are both on the lease.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2011

And this is your problem because? Your job is done. You have been abused physically and emotionally by your mother and you are an adult. The longer you stay the harder it will be to move out. If you have a friend you can depend on is it possible to move out sooner?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002

I don't know that you need to cut off contact with your family, but putting space between you might be the best option at this time.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
I have cut ties with my parents and my youngest brother. It can be hard at times, like during the holiday season, but I know that overall, I'm better off for it. Both my parents and my brother have stolen from me, in addition to a myriad of things. I can't subject myself to that continuously. I still talk to one brother, but he hasn't ever been treated the way I was and maintains relationships with my youngest brother and parents, too. Of course, over the holidays, they are all together while I'm hanging out handing out presents at nursing homes and visiting coworkers. I can feel sad lacking a family, but I also feel grateful that there are people that organize gift giving events and people that invite me over to spend time with their families. It's weird to tell people that I'm estranged, I guess, and I don't doubt that some really question if there's an issue with me. However, I know what has really happened and anyone that doesn't know really has no business believing that I'm a bad person because I don't maintain some family relationships.

Good luck and Merry Christmas!


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