Heartbroken 20 something at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Heartbroken 20 something at home.
17
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 12:14am

I am a 23 year old young lady living at home. I finished college, I looked for jobs desperately. I found nothing. I work at a bank now. The job doesnt pay well enough, I dont get enough hours, I am looking for another job to supplement that one. I help out at home. I pay for my own food. I pay a house bill, one of the more expensive ones. I have been helping out all my life, sacrificing, since I was little for my family. I dont shop, I dont ask for money, I just got my own room a year ago. My mom is ill. I spent a lot of the last year trying to help her get on her feet. I clean, I stay out of the way. I have my flaws. I wont lie there. I can be a huge bitch when provoked. So I stay in my room alot.

I have made a few decisions about my life. One, I have no clue what I'm doing but I have to do something fast. I dont come from a happy home, I cannot stay here much longer. My mom and dad broke up when I was 10. The divorce was nasty. Very nasty. I cared for my brother while my mom cried. He is 18 now, and part of the problem. Ive not been without a job since I was 17. Brief stints of looking lasting no longer than 2-3 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2006
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 12:20am

I am really sorry that you have gone through all of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 12:38am

I promise its not always bad. But the "Bad" has been more frequent, and longer lasting. She is a good mom. Its just that now what used to suck for a few weeks sucks for a few months. Recently its sucked for a year or so. The relationship just doesnt seem mendable. And I know that I am pretty messed up in the head with all of this. I just dont trust "professonal help" anymore. The last 3 I had in my life were quacks. One of them had an emotional breakdown on my couch. Honestly. The other one hinted that I may have experienced some sexual abuse. Which is not something you play around with, especially with a kid as unstable as I was. I'm just tired. I would rather tell strangers my secrets than my friends or family. Thats why I came here. I will look though, maybe theres some good help out there. I havent had a relationship yet. Between this stuff and the stuff with my father I wonder if I ever will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 5:11am

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I understand because i have had to deal with an unhealthy family situation growing up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 10:41am

You need to get out of the house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 11:17am

Many if you will say I'm wrong. Will hate me for this notice.

Are you saying that many of us will say you're wrong, and hate you, for your post?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 11:33am

Have you considered a mentor? Instead of counseling.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 3:18pm

Thank you all for being so kind. It helps so much to know that someone out there has been through this before, helps to know my feelings are valid. You all are right, I am looking actively for another job now. Hopefully I'll be blessed with one in the next few months. The problem is I have no where to go until then. All of my family and aunts either side with her, or wont get involved...much like my grandmother. So I go to the gym to work out for hours when im not working, and that helps. I had a counselor at school, who was lovely. Told me the same thing you all are telling me now. That if the relationship cant, or wont, change I'm going to have to let it go. Its just sad. My brother told me once (when we werent arguing) that he was afraid of me moving out, because he knew if I did I would never come back and he would never see me again because I couldnt take it anymore. I told him I hoped it wouldnt come to that. I think it might.

My grandmother cried like a baby today, and gathered us together for a family prayer. I just wanted to leave. That's not my normal reaction. She can feel it, we talked about this a while ago, smelling a change in the air. Hopefully its a positive change, that will make it better for all of us, myself included. Cutting ties with mom, means cutting ties with all of my older family. They will tell her where I am and what I am doing if I leave and stay close to them. She will get involved, its her way. So this is a big decision, because I instantly lose half of my family. Not to be dramatic but I've known most of my adult life I didnt belong here. Now I just have to make somewhere else home, and find a new family.

P.S. I really apreciate yall reading this. I know it was long, and I hope to find the peace that yall have found.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 7:41pm
I'm missing why you'll have to lose half your family if you move. If they tell your mother where you live... well, so what? YOU don't have to open the door if she comes over. YOU don't have to answer the phone if she calls.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 10-25-2010 - 9:32am

I've been there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 10-25-2010 - 12:59pm

No Questions No Lies,

Welcome to the board. I like your username, BTW. I agree with the others, that it would be a good idea to move into your own place asap. Even if you rent a room or move in with a roommate. You're in a vicious cycle right now. All the negativity makes it hard for you to find a new job (which requires a postitive outlook and confidence to get through the interview). Since you're paying for food and some of the utilities now, you may find your bills on your own won't be much higher. Once you're out of the house, you can begin to work on you. It seems like you've been putting yourself last for too long.

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