Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Help!!
2
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 8:13pm
I have a dilema. I'm watching a friend's son after school every night until 8:45 p.m. I don't charge her as she's a single mom, I wanted to help her out. Her DS (Danny)is the same age as my DS. (Danny)likes to brag about how smart he is especially in front of my DS while he's doing homework. MY DS has a little bit of a hard time processing English, because when he was little he went to my IL's from the ages of 6 weeks until he entered kindergarten. My IL's only speak Spanish.My DS is catching up in the English language, and progressing well. When he hears Danny make fun of him, he doesn't want to do his homework. I've separated the two boys and each one does his homework in a different room.

Here is the part I feel bad in, but Danny is a bit ornery. He pees all over the bathroom floor, and has wiped poop on my walls (my H has gone in after Danny has left the bathroom and found the mess). I've taken the boys skating only to have Danny try to avoid my DS all night long and brag about how many of "his friends" are there. There are days he comes to the house with such an attitude. I've decided that I don't want to watch Danny anymore, then today I caught him spitting on my dog, and it wasn't drool it was nuggies....yuck! I punished Danny by making him come into the house and sit down. I was angry and made a few comments that I bet he wouldn't like it if I spat on the cat he has at home. My H wanted to take the kids to the park, but I wouldn't let him. To me that is rewarding Danny for his bad behavior. H says that I need to get off of my high horse, and quit nit-picking on the kid. He says I'm in the wrong. What really gets me is that when my H's mom used to watch our older kids (I paid her weekly), she used to lock our kids out of the house every day during the summer when they were younger 8-13 yrs old. When he found that out he said they must have deserved it. I found this out now that they are in their late teens and early twenties. I don't want to watch Danny anymore, I'm so tired of some of things he does. I've been putting up with him because my DS adores him. Is my H right, am I sitting on a high horse? I've been battling with myself about continuing to watch Danny since December.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: solitayo
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 6:40am
I was really hoping to get some input. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in a struggle with my H about this situation. He's trying to brow beat me, make me feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I hate the fact that he never supports me in things like this, he makes it sound like I'm such a mean person, with no patience. But when his mom used to lock our kids outside during the summer, he thought nothing of it. I guess I need to know that the frustration I feel with the boy and my H is normal, or if I'm outta wack.
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: solitayo
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 7:01am
Everyone views things differently. You and your DH seem to have different views on how children should act and how to disipline them. It seesm that maybe your DH is more of a "get the kids outside and out of your hair" kind of person. Maybe that was just how he was raised. Then again, men just seem to think differently about things (boys as well). MAybe these things are just what all boys do when no one is looking and he understands.

But you are the one watching this boy. I bet you are the one that had to clean up the bathroom, you are the one who has to disipline him, you are the you that cooks for him. It should be your choice whether or not you continue to watch him. Gice your friend plenty of notice so that she can find other care for him. Even offer to have him over sometimes so the boys can play together. Let her know that you are just tired and need a break from babysitting.

Dh and DS can go puck him up sometimes and take him to park with them and then he will have to be in charge and responsible for how he behaves.

Do what is best for you and your family.

Melissa

edit - I'm sorry that you didn't get a response sooner. Most poeple here post from work so the board is not too active during the evening.


Edited 4/16/2003 7:04:44 AM ET by cl-2and1more