Help? Inappropriate glances from father?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011
Help? Inappropriate glances from father?
8
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 4:15pm
Help? I don't know how to deal with this. My parents came to stay with us for a few weeks and will be here for another month. In the meantime, my husband and me found out we were pregnant and I have ofcourse started putting on weight in places you put weight on when you're pregnant. For the past 2 weeks, I've noticed my father stare at my chest, even when I'm right in front of him, talking to my mom. It's not just a glance, its a creepy stare. It's to the point where I just stay in my room and don't even go out of it in my own house and eat and use the kitchen when they are not around. I spoke to my husband and he just dismissed it saying its a natural reflex for men to 'look' since its there and since I've put on weight there too because of the pregnancy. But its my father, shouldn't he have boundaries? If my doctor did that I wouldn't go to him anymore. With my father, what do I do? My husband said I should ignore it till they go back home but that's another month away. It is completely creeping me out and he isn't even trying to hide it. I wish I could just change their ticket dates and kick them out of the house right now, but that isn't an option since it would hurt my mom, who is the sweetest person ever, but completely in denial and completely oblivious. Talking to her won't help because when I had tried to talk to her about issues in the past, she had always just pretended it was in my own head. Help?! I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell him directly because it is embarrassing, to me, as well as to him, since their ticket is non-changeable and we're stuck with them for 4 more weeks. What do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 6:32pm

Hugs,

You are going to have to speak up though, if you want this to end.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 4:59am

The next time, flat out say - stop staring at my chest dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 7:09pm
I'm trying to gather the courage to say it but I'm very nervous about how awkward it is going to be around here, after I do. They're staying with us because they can't afford to stay in a hotel so we're pretty much stuck with them. They invited themselves over "to take care of me" when I was sick a few weeks ago and I found out they had already booked their non-changeable tickets for WAY longer than we wanted them here. My dad has never done this before, so I'm still in shock at his behavior. The problem is my mom is now talking about them booking their tickets to be here for the delivery (she has an innocent heart and genuinely wants to help) and just does not understand that I mean it when I said I really don't want them here and I'll be fine on my own with hubby (even though I have no other help so I really hope she can come here and leave dad at home). She's going to come with dad since there won't be anyone to take care of him and she doesn't want to travel alone. I can't believe this is happening. I should not have to have this conversation with my own dad. This is crazy :/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 9:38pm
How old is your dad? You said your mom feels someone has to take care of him... is he showing signs of dementia, by any chance?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 6:45am

Hi..I have to agree with everyone....something has to be said....sure, it's embarrassing, which is why firm and direct would be the way to go. And then forget it, unless it continues.

My first thought was that it could be an aging issue.

Good luck...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 3:23am
Just jokingly say something like "yup, THEY are growing, too cause I'm pregnant, Dad". Maybe he doesn't realize he's staring, and needs a little wake-up call! I wouldn't be THAT creeped out over it unless there's a history of sexual impropriety with him. I'd just plain out say something...but then speaking out is the kind of relationship I had with my father!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 9:08pm

If you have ruled out age related issues as the cause, such as dimentia etc, then I would say something!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 4:53pm
I know it's hard to say something directly, for several reasons. This happened to me with a different family member, and I said "Oh, is there something on my shirt?" and brushed at my neckline. And the second time I said "Are you SURE there isn't something on my shirt?". This caught the attention of the guy AND his wife, and it didn't happen again. If it does, then you have an opening of "Dad, this is getting kinda weird. Why do you keep looking at my shirt/chest/whatever. You're making me self-conscious".