HELP, Sister problems!!!!!! (Long)
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|Sun, 06-15-2003 - 9:32pm|
Growing up my sister was really good friends with my niece who is 6 years younger than her. My niece never seemed to like me and I never knew why until 3 years ago. That is when my niece (who had moved across the country with her mom) began going through a difficult time after giving her second child up for adoption, to my brother that lives here in town. I began talking to my niece my e-mail and helped her get through that horrible depression she went through. I then found out that my sister had filled her head with all kinds of crap about me. It was no wonder she did not like me.
Anyway, on mother's day weekend of last year my nieces dad became ill and was in the hospital on life support until my nieces plane got here, so that she could say goodbye to her dad. I had to hear about this from my sister in law (that adopted my nieces baby) because my mom asked her to go pick up my niece from the airport at midnight. Well they were going to take my nephew on the hour drive there, to get her and hour drive back here. I knew my nephew being there would be to much for my niece to handle, so I offered to go with my sister in law instead. My mom was not planning on telling anyone about my ex brother law until he had died. So I called my little sister to tell her what was going on. She then began to say that she wanted to ride with us from the airport and go to the hospital with us. Well that means that we would have to drive her back home again. We did not want to do that. I tried to explain it to her and she just got ticked off at me. She was so twisting what I was saying to her, that I almost started crying trying to defend myself. I even called her back 20 minutes after we got off the phone to apologize if I had said anything to upset her because that was not my intentions at all. She was twisting everything I was saying to her. Well as soon as I got off the phone with her the first time, she called my mom and told her I said stuff I never said. I could not believe it!!!! I thought we had grown up enough to be past that crap.
Well it only got worse after that. She got mad because my niece called me to come and get her from the hospital. On Mother's Day she informed all of our family members that were visiting from out of town, about how bad of a person I was and how I was starting fights with her. When I arrived at my moms house none of my aunts, uncles and even my mom would not speak to me. Well except for one aunt, who was lecturing me about how important family was. I didn't know why no one would talk to me until the next day, when I found out what my sister had been saying. I left my Mom's crying so hard that I had to stop twice on the way home to get control. I never get that upset!!
So I decided that enough was enough and I wrote my sister a 9 page letter and told her about who I had become, what my goals are in life and that I did not need her kind of trouble in my life anymore. I even told her that I knew about her sleeping with my ex husband (while I was married to him), but I had let it go because we were family and I thought that is what family should do. I could go on and on about the things of that nature that she has done to me. I then told her that I am done with her in my life. I will deal with her on a family basis and that is it. I would no longer keep her kids, (like I had been doing) (weeks at a time, at that!). I will never fight with her out of respect for my family, but I will defend myself if I ever needed to. I told her I had to keep myself out of her trouble making ways when it comes to my life. I even saved a copy of the letter just in case she lied to family members about what I had said. I really worded everything in a very respectful manor. I did not put her down once. I waited to mail the letter after my niece had left town again.
Soon after she received my letter, she called my ex husband and told him lies about it. He called me wanting me to explain why I lied to her about him and he was mad at me. I invited him over to read the letter and he was blown away at how she lied to him!!!
Well soon after my letter, my niece decided to move back here. Now my sister got kicked out of her place and moved back into town. The kicker is she is staying with my niece in a 2 bedroom trailer with 3 adults, 4 kids and my nieces baby is due in 3 weeks. My niece is no longer answering my calls or my emails. I fear my sister is up to her lying ways again. My Mom has my sister's 3 kids most of the time. My sister is a total bum and a horrible mom!! Her kids all have different dad's. She told her 2nd child's dad, that he was the father of the 3rd child, but when he was in the delivery room with her, that precious baby came out black! Could you imagine how that poor man felt! She cannot keep a job. etc etc etc. She lost her oldest dd to welfare 8 years ago and decided to let my aunt and uncle adopt her after they had had her for 3 years. Well until the week before the adoption was final, and she changed her mind. That totally crushed them and me that my niece, aunt and uncle had to go through that. Her ways just irritate me to no end!!!
Anyway, we have a family reunion coming up. I am really nervous about it. My nieces mom (my older sister) is coming into town and she is also very biter with my sister. My cousins and some family members can see how dumb my sister is and they except her for being just herself. My siblings on the other hand see her for being a trouble maker like I do. But I am really worried about this reunion and how my sister is going to act now that she seems to have my niece on her side.
Was I wrong for telling my sister I am done with her in my life, except for family get togethers?? I still sent her a Christmas card with pictures of my kids, I even bought all of them (even my sister)Christmas gifts, so I am trying to keep things nice. Should I have continued to keep trying again & again & again with her??? Am I to fault here?? Should I try and make up with her? How will I know she has changed? I am still having trouble believing that anyone could be a conniving and mean as she is, and she is my sister. I could never imagine intentionally hurting anyone in anyway. I thought if I changed myself, I could fix mine and my sister's relationship. After I changed, my sister and I got along without fighting once for about 4 years. Of course part of my changing was over looking anything she did that hurt me. I just decided to except her for her no matter what she did. I took on the attitude that "who was I to judge her". But last year really hurt me bad.
If you made it through this letter, thank you. I am sorry to ramble. Does anyone have any insight for me so that I can deal with my sister better. Am I the only person that has had problems like this? Am I a bad person because I felt I had to get her out of my life? Thanks for any help you all can give.