Homeschooled Sister age 16

iVillage Member

Registered: 06-02-2003

6	Tue, 06-03-2003 - 9:55am

I am 18 and I have a stepsister who is 16. We have been raised together since we were 7 and 5 so it's pretty much like regular sisters, very close and all of that. My dad died so her dad, my stepdad, is like my dad. He's great. The problem is my mom, at the moment. She is a former teacher and decided (along with my sis and I) to start homeschooling us 2 and a half years ago. I finished high school through homeschool and now I'm in my first year of college. Everything went great and I feel like my mom really prepared me for college even better than some of the kids who went to regular school. But here's the problem. I was always pretty smart and good at schoolwork. My sis isn't into school. She has a hard time with some stuff, and most days she doesn't want to do anything schoolwork related. It was even worse when we were in regular school, and for awhile (when I was homeschooled too) mom would push her to work hard, and that was great, but it seems like now I am going to college (I still live at home because the college is close) sis is barely doing any schoolwork. I am worried about her, and ALSO I am a little ticked because when I was 16 I had to find a job to pay for my clothes and stuff like that. But my sis hasn't done that and our parents have not even mentioned it in her case. I love my sis TOTALLY and we're like best friends. I have a couple of other close friends but sis is definitely one of the closest. I just get mad at her and my mom when my sis is at home watching DVDs and eating, and then still gets to go out and spend money shopping on the weekend. When I was her age I worked part time, did my schoolwork EVERY DAY even weekends, and only got to do fun stuff when I had money from my paycheck. Also as I said I'm worried about her future. Mom works and gives sis assignments and tries to help her in the mornings and at night, but she works on it at a turtle pace. Ack I don't know what can be done. Probably nothing from me. When I say something to mom she's like, your sister isn't you, she's her own person, etc.

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lucy4980

iVillage Member

Registered: 03-26-2003

In reply to: redrumrhiannon

Homeschooled Sister age 16

Tue, 06-03-2003 - 2:17pm

I can see why you would be worried about your sister - it seems like she needs a more structured environment to get her work done than she has now. I don't know that there is anything you can do about it though. You've talked to your mom and she wasn't receptive to your input. You could encourage your sister to do her school work and even offer to help her out, but other than that, your sister is her own person and you only have so much influence over her. I think that your parents are doing her a disservice by allowing her to skate by without doing her work and without having a job, but I don't think there is much you can do about it.

redrumrhiannon

iVillage Member

Registered: 06-02-2003

In reply to: redrumrhiannon

Homeschooled Sister age 16

Tue, 06-03-2003 - 8:49pm

Thanks for your response, it feels good just knowing that someone cares. When I tell my friends, they're like "ohhh what's the big deal" because I guess they don't see why I care about my sister's future! I have tried talking to my sister, I always say things to her like "you've got to get your GED you know..." because she is set on becoming a hairstylist and wants to go to cosmotology (sp?) school and as far as I'm aware you must have at least a diploma/GED for that. Oh well. It feels good to at least vent here! thanks again, Rhiannon

lucy4980

iVillage Member

Registered: 03-26-2003

In reply to: redrumrhiannon

Homeschooled Sister age 16

Wed, 06-04-2003 - 12:27pm

I definitely think she needs to at least get her GED. It's not that difficult, and I'm pretty positive she will need it for cosmotology school. You know, it occured to me that your sister might have some depression or at least some loneliness. You said she is home alone a lot and that your mom works, right? So she spends a lot of time sitting on the couch watching TV and eating rather than doing her school work or working. It could be that spending so much time alone is affecting her and making her apathetic about everything. I'm a pretty social person and I get like that if I spend long periods of time without people. Possibly your sister is the same way. I've known lots of kids who were homeschooled and when there are siblings around loneliness doesn't seem to be much of an issue, but when there is only 1 kid, it often is. Is there a community college in your area? If so, your sister might be able to take a couple classes there if she gets her GED - some fun classes like art, aerobics, creative writing, or whatever she is interested in might be what she needs to get her out of her funk - something to focus on, a purpose to her days.

redrumrhiannon

iVillage Member

Registered: 06-02-2003

In reply to: redrumrhiannon

Homeschooled Sister age 16

Thu, 06-05-2003 - 8:29am

I agree my sister needs to get her GED, eventually she will have to. I guess you might be right about the depression but honestly I don't think so, she goes places a lot. She has tons of friends (some are the same as my friends and others are just her own) and i guarantee she goes someplace with her friends at least every other day, plus talks on the phone for like 5 hours at a time. Basically she is a spoiled brat. I love her and we get along great but that's the simple truth about my sis. I don't think my mom would fork out money for her to take fun classes since she isn't working and doesn't plan on working for a degree. I go to a state uni 30 min away, and there IS a community college right by our house but it's a 2 yr program and you have to do a minimum of like 6 hours a week, I know my sis wouldn't do that. Not to be mean but I don't know how she will ever even get through beauty school, I can't see her sticking with it. I sound mean like I don't like her, trust me I do, but she is just really lazy and immature. I sound harsh but personally I think she needs to either do her schoolwork or get a job. We'll see I guess. I was pretty happy last night because her dad (my stepdad) told her that she needs a job, she can't expect he & mom to just throw cash at her for having fun anymore. And then she mentioned something about applying at a taco place, so I said I'd drive her when she wants to apply. Hopefully it will happen! Thanks again, Rhiannon

lucy4980

iVillage Member

Registered: 03-26-2003

In reply to: redrumrhiannon

Homeschooled Sister age 16

Thu, 06-05-2003 - 12:31pm

Well, that is some progress. Maybe she is just one of those people who has to learn the hard way and then find her own way in the world. Good luck and I hope things work out well for her and for you.

cl_2and1more

iVillage Member

Registered: 03-20-2003

In reply to: redrumrhiannon

Homeschooled Sister age 16

Thu, 06-05-2003 - 2:56pm

I did read through all the messages and see that your father is requiring your sister to get a job. That is really good. It is nice that it could be a job where her friends hang out too. 16 year olds are so very different. It seems that you were very motivated and thinking of your future. A lot of 16 year olds just want to have fun and live in the moment. Thinking that their choices today will affect their tomorrow just doesn't enter their minds. I hope that what you have seen in your family is that your parents see that you and your sister are different and need different things to motivate you. They may be more relaxed with your sister because if they push too hard she will break. While in turn, pushing you hard caused you to be stronger. Every parent wants each of their children to be the best they can be. With the job issue, it seems that your parents know that it is time for them to push a little bit more with your sister.

Hope this makes sense. I seem to have talked in a circle. I couldn't help but have my mind run over the vast amount of teen-agers I have known while I typed this post.

Wishing the best for both you and your sister,

Melissa

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