How to accept what I cannot change (long
Find a Conversation
|Mon, 11-24-2003 - 10:35am|
I hate to admit it has been wonderful without her. Things are very organized. When my son works I have my gd here, whereas her mother makes plans on the spur of the moment and will call me on my cell to drop gd off at my place. I never refuse becuase I love having my gd here - its just that I would like to know ahead of time. She will also make plans for my gd to come here and I am looking forward to it - and then she will cancel at the last minute when there is no time for me to make other arrangements. I know I could refuse to change my plans but my gd likes to come here and see her friends and I like her being here too, so I just agree.
I get along fine with mother when she is being nice. We do things together and I enjoy it. However, when you cross her, she punishes you with the only weapon she has - my gd. She has always been very selfish. She would make plans with her daughter only to break them if anything "better" came up - like coffee with friends or shopping with friends etc. I hated to see my gd in tears because her Mom had let her down again.
Mom showed up for a couple of weeks in May. You would have thought that after her Dad and I and my husband have been there for her since the day she was born that she would get fed up with the way her mother treated her. But it doesnt seem like it. My son said his daughter followed her Mom around like a little puppydog. She was also extremely rude to me and her Dad - presumably to show her Mom what a favourite SHE was. I tried not to react. However, one day Mom phoned to see if I wanted to go to the mall (she sold her car last year before she went away) I went to pick my gd and her friend up and she said that she didn't want me coming with them - couldn't I just drop them off at the mall and pick them up later. I said I wasn't a free taxi service and so I dropped her at her Dad's (where her Mom was staying) and left. Mom has her furniture and other stuff stored in my son's basement so she was staying there. My son agrees because otherwise my gd gets really upset. Mom showed up in May with not a penny to her name and sponged off us. I lent her $30 and she gave me a rubber cheque to pay it back and when I told her she said she had no money, only I found out later from a friend that she had a whole wad of cash the day she left again. She told me she was going back to get married and to sponsor the husband to emigrate to Canada. She has never said to my gd that they did get married and I asked my gd if she mentions the husband and she said "no - its surprising they aren't divorced already!"
My issue is - she now says she is coming back before Christmas. (Of course, I should mention that in August she told my gd on MSN that she would be back on September 1 - but she never showed up) Of course if she does come back, there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to prevent her getting provoked at me for something I didnt do and punishing me - and there is NOTHING I can do to stop my granddaughter being mean to the ones who have been there for her.
Years ago, mother confided in me that she didn't have any real friends - all her friends were users. I didn't have the guts to tell her that the reason her friends were users was because she is a user too. When she came back in May she got some friend whose name I hadn't heard mentioned for 3 years - to chauffeur her around. I assume Mother went through a list of friends and came up with one who had a car and who didnt work and who could drive her around and so she phoned her and she became her "best friend" for 3 weeks. My son always referred to her friends as "the flavour of the month" becuase there was a different "best" friend every month!!
I talked to my gd about her behaviour last time and she said she was just doing it because she knew her mom was going to disappear again and that she didn't intend to be mean to her Dad and me.
How do I accept the fact that my gd seems to love her mother just as much as her father - even though her mother - in my opinion is a useless, selfish twit? How do I not get upset if my granddaughter hangs around her Mom and wont come to see me like she did last time she was here?