How am I going to deal? read on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
How am I going to deal? read on...
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 1:47am
I am really dreading the weekend. My younger brother is coming home for Easter and unfortunately, so is his girlfriend. I cannot stand her! She knows I don't care for her, and so does my family. It isn't a great subject. I pray they'll break up when he graduates college and moves. Anyway, how am I possibly going to deal with it this weekend? It makes me sick to my stomach to even talk to her. Talking to her is like talking to a wall. She has next to no personality, and she mooches off of my family as much as possible in my opinion. I could go on and on. There are many reasons I don't care for her- things she has done, the fact that I can see right through her, she has changed my brother's personality for the worse, etc. etc. I just can't take all of this plus the fact that when my brother comes home my mother falls all over herself trying to do everything for him no matter how he treats her. I am always shoved to the side when it comes to her "baby." It's been this way for years- not just b/c he is away. What to do?
Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 8:24am
Be as civil to her as you possibly can. I know it may be hard if you really can not stand her, but she is who your brother has chosen to be with at this moment in time. I don't know how close you are to him, but if you do something in his eyes to exclude her or break them up he may hold a grudge toward you and I am sure you don't want that. I know we don't all like each other but this isn't a choice you can make for him. You don't have to like, carry on a long conersation or be her best friend just be civil. Is there a reason besides her having " no personality" that you don't like her? If it is the personality maybe she puts that one on in defense of knowing you don't like her? Just spend minimal time with her and who knows if you take a step froward to change the relationship she may be someone you actually like, not become fast friends just someone you can talk to without dreading it.

As for your mom doing everything for her "little boy" I don't think she means to. I just think it is because he has been away at school and she is making everything "perfect" for him while he is home. I know my MIL goes above and beyond what she does for her other kids when DH comes home. They say " Mom never has Mt Dew in her fridge until he comes home" So try to overlook this and have a good time. If it goes beyond this type of stuff I think I would say to her hey what you are doing is not fair and very hurtful to me. Talk to her I am sure she doesn't know what she is doing.

I hope things go ok this weekend. Please post on Monday and let us know what happened. Until then hang in there and remember we are here if you need us. Try to have a good time in spite of what you have to face:) Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 12:26pm
I understand your frustration with the brothers girlfriend. My middle brother has been on and off with his "wife" (never married, but everyone calls them that because they have three kids together)for ten years. The best thing you can do for your own sanity is to keep your head up high and if you have to act as if she was merely a client/customer/co-worker that you don't get along with it will be easier. Treat her with common courtesy even if she doesn't respond positively. Tell her she looks nice etc. then walk away and consume yourself with the people that really matter to you.

It's not necessary to let your family know how much you dislike her by completely avoiding her as this will cause tension during the holidays when you have to see her.

I have literally felt my skin crawl at some family functions and it's not easy to enjoy the days event when all you want to do is get this over with. But at the end of the day, know that you are a better person than you even we're yesterday. Know that you chose to take the high road and didn't allow yourself to get emotionally effected by someone who you think is not a nice or decent person.

Good Luck,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 9:08pm
We all have to be around people we can't stand at times. Dealing with it is the sign of maturity. I can't stand several family members, but what are you going to do about it? Move to the Artic. As for favorites, my mom heavily favors my brother. He could rob a bank and she would blame anyone but him! Accepting it doesn't mean you have to like it. It just makes you vow to never to do that to your own kids when you have some of your own. We can learn lessons from our parents, and even from the unfair things they do we can learn something too.