How to avoid . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
How to avoid . . .
3
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 10:56am
putting my granddaughter in the middle.

Unfortunately, as things have been going wonderfully, it looks as if my granddaughter's Mom is going to be coming back from Chile.

The WORST thing she does is use my granddaughter as a go between to get things. For instance, the last time she showed up at my son's (she lives in his basement suite when she is in the country) she had no money whatsoever. My son would go out to take his daughter to school and on the way they stopped at Tim Horton's for coffee etc. The Mom would send my granddaughter out "can you buy Mom a cup of coffee and a bagel?" When my son got mad it upset my granddaughter. Of course, this is why Mom made her the go between. She knew he didnt want to upset his daughter whereas if she asked herself he would tell her to go and get a job and then she would have her own money to pay for her stuff.

If Mom wants something - a ride somewhere, to borrow money - whatever - she never has the guts to ask herself, she sends my granddaughter with the request. If I tell my granddaughter that I want to talk to her Mom, she gets upset.

I suppose I will just have to go along with it. My granddaughter is 10. By the time she is 13 or so, she will better understand how life is. At the moment if we dont do what her Mom wants, she thinks we are the bad guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 12:21pm
I think you are doing the best you can do by asking your granddaughter if you can speak to her mom. I am sorry this doesn't work, but if you do it often enough maybe it will. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 10:40pm
Unfortunately its usually becuase her mother refuses to talk on the phone. She likes to use her daughter as a go between because she knows I am more likely to do my granddaughter a favour than I am her. Although, if truth be known, I would probably do her a favour if she asked outright - probably more due to the fact that my granddaughter wants me to than anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 5:42pm
Say this to your granddaughter:

Sweetie, this is a treat between us. I will not be bringing anything back for anyone. I also know that your mom asked you to ask me. From now on, I won't be accepting any messages from your mom through you. If she asks you again, you can tell her this. I will be calling and leaving a message for her that says the same thing. I am not mad at you, I love you, that is why I don't want you to worry about your mom anymore.

Keep repeating it and stick to your guns.

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