How can I convince my sister to use her wheelchair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2011
How can I convince my sister to use her wheelchair?
11
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 6:35am

About 10 years ago my sister had a stroke. At first she did as well as any stroke survivor can expect. She

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

It maybe time to get tough with her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

My daughter has a chronic pain condition from an injury as a teenager which was exacerbated by an auto accident 2 1/2 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007

I could have written your post, word for word.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. While I have never dealt with the issue of stroke, I do know what it is like not to be able to do the things you want to, but sure be able to remember when you could! I have rheumatoid arthritis, and for me it is the dreaded handicap hang tag for my car...that really draws attention. It seems so simple that if I use it, I can park up close, saving myself some days of less pain/slowness etc etc. Many times I have argued with my 14 year old daughter on why I should use it. With her getting frustrated, and not understanding the embarrassment I feel. In my mind those spaces should be saved for individuals such as your sister! Even when there are days I can hardly get out of my own car. I do understand your sister, her stubborness at wanting to be *normal* like she used to be before her stroke. I also understand you as a caregiver, worried for her safety, because you love her. I'm afraid this is something she may have to come to terms on her own. It isn't something that can be forced. I'm sorry, I know it is difficult to understand when your mobility isn't limited or impacted on a daily basis.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I've been there with my mother.

I think it's selfish to put one's vanity ahead of the feelings (and safety, as in the OP's case) of those helping care for one.

I've brought up those electric chairs to my mother, Maybe she'll consider it eventually.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2011

Thanks to all of you who responded to my problem. Your sensitivity and understanding for *both* sides of the issue (mine and my sister's) was wonderful.

Since I posted, my sister has taken a drastic turn for the worse! In the 6 weeks since I've seen her, she has dropped a tremendous amount of weight, can't sit upright

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

You and your sister will be in my prayers.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Madeleine,

Hi. I have empathy for you because my elderly Mother is the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007

Oh, I'm sorry to hear your sister is not doing well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004

Do you think maybe something like I have might help? Normally I use a cane. However on really bad days or somewhere I am going to be walking I have a wheeled walker. You can use it like a push cane, it has a seat and storage basket underneath it. It has a storage pack on the back as well.

With it she can alternate walking and sitting. Someone could push her, she might could push the wheels or the cheat I do sometimes when dh and I are too far apart-I use my cane to pull or push it.

You might try coming from the angle of with her not exhausted you would have more time to enjoy xyz together. Just make sure to use a lot of "I" statements. Speaking for myself and a few disabled friends I know, often something that is supposed to be meant as 'help' comes out and across as criticizing and hurtful. Not all of us mind you but wanted to let you know your sis may be one of us.

I know all about not wanting to admit having limitations and constantly learning new ones as your body changes. ( I am under 50 and have a host of conditions, problems and more while my 88 year old neighbor has been sick three days in her entire life, stills tends cattle and cuts hay. I can't even play much with my grandkids)

Explain to her you feel that if she used the wheelchair she would be handicapable not handicapped. And that you are concerned for her safety after all those injuries and don't want her to have more. Also I would talk to her therapist if you can and see if she might have BPV (vertigo) in addition to the stroke. That could contribute to the balance issue on top of the stroke damage.

anon for this one

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