How do you get a child to move out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2011
How do you get a child to move out?
12
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 1:13am

Hello,

I need help and advice on how to get my 22 y/o daughter and her fiance to move out into their own place. Three years ago my daughter met this guy who was 16 yrs older than her and started dating him. I was not very happy about it. Needless to say a huge argument followed and several months later she moved in with him into the house he helped his mother buy (she lived there too). We did not speak to each other during this time but I knew how she was doing through mutual friends. About six months later his mother threw them out. My daughter is very difficult to live with. Faced with no where to go, friends begged me to let them move back in with us (me, husband and 16 y/o son). I relented.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 3:34am
You need to tell her that SHE & HER BOYFRIEND are the cause of the stress in your home & that they need to move out if she cares at all about your relationship! PERIOD.

You were nice enough to take them in...but they've worn out their welcome & its time they go.

She's an adult now, by her age, I was married & living in a crappy apartment with my dh. We didn't love living there...but it gave us incentive to save our $$ and buy a house. Now don't go telling me that be/c of the economy jobs are hard to find...I know...but if you want it bad enough, you'll find a way to make it work. The economy wasn't great either when we got married but we did what we had to do...we struggled but we made our own way.

Your dd isn't looking be/c she doesn't have to...you & your dh have made it easy for them, but its time that they move on. If they don't want to do it themselves, you will have to give them an end date. All 4 of you sit down & tell them that this has gone on long enough...you love them & don't want to hurt feelings but the living arrangements are no longer working for you and its time they leave.


Good luck...I hope you find the strength to have this conversation with her/them. It sounds like you care a lot and are worried about hurting feelings but it doesn't seem to me that your daughter & her bf are considering YOUR feelings. (I think she uses your dh's temper as an excuse to stay on!!)

One more thing ...if I did the math right this, boyfriend of your dd is in his late 30's??? That's a little OLD to be living at someone's mom's house!! KWIM????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 8:58am
I agree with Helga. Give them the date, and then stick to it. No matter what.

I don't buy the argument that they have to have a place in your area because of their livestock. That's what sale barns are for. And they need to get out from paying rent on the land. And that cash could help them pay the deposits for a new place.

When the date comes, and they're not out, be prepared to be a cold-hearted biatch. What did you do last time you packed up their stuff? Did you move it outside? Change the locks?

You may have to file an eviction with your county/city if you think she'll put up that kind of legal fight. Then if they're not out in 30 days, you're in the clear.

I'm sorry she's put you in this spot. And I'd worry about a man his age taking advantage of his gf's mommy and daddy. He obviously has some issues.

Good luck and let us know what you do.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 12:59pm

I have had my share of unwanted houseguests and the only thing that will get rid of them is setting a date. 30 days (and that's being generous, because you've been putting them on notice for two years).

Part of the problem is they have their own livestock on rented pasture down the road from us and have to be in the same area.

Not your problem! If you allow other people's problems to become your problems, you will end up burning yourself out trying to help everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Thu, 01-06-2011 - 8:23pm

You ain't kidding! I had some roomates from hell! There were a couple of times when I was the one to move out.

OP, I agree with the 30 day notice. Usually a deadline is the only thing that will put a fire under their butt. They only pay for food, so why should they leave? They got it good at your house. It will be a tough job getting them out of there, so you will have to play the bad guy role.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 01-08-2011 - 1:14am

I'd set the two of them down and give them a move-out date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 01-08-2011 - 3:12pm

Give them 30 Days written notice to vacte the premisis, and mail it to them certified.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 12:33pm

It must be very stressful to live like that, I feel for you. You sure make a mistake accepting them, but you have already paid for it. Not sure what friends begged you to accept them in your house, but you might now need them now to accept them in theirs.I think they

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 2:43pm

>>>>>If it is necessary threaten them to take out their stuff, change the locks and call the police.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 7:00pm

Call a family

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 11:19pm

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