How do you handle?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
How do you handle?
9
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 2:18pm
How do you handle parents who have run away from homes, are having the time of their lives partying, and never come back home? I've got a 2 year old daughter and 17 1/2 year old ds who would like to see their grandparents, but they won't travel up to Kentucky to visit at Christmas - as they had promised - because they might "catch something". And I'm tied up between January and the middle of April, so can't do it then either. Jerks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 3:07pm
Hello, Anybody out there??? Would like at least one response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 3:30pm
I think it's hard to know the entire situation here. Has this been going on for a long time or is this the first time? I would tell my parents that they are an important part of my children's lifes and that they really need to be here for Christmas to celebrate with the family. Did you explain how busy your schedule is over the next few months?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 3:59pm
They would just say I was being selfish and mean to them. Unfortunately, although my dd is an adorable 2 yr old, and my son is basically a good kid, my dad doesn't like kids and my mom does whatever he tells her. Maybe if they are going to be like that they don't need to be an important part of their lives. They spend most of the time spending money on themselves and taking themselves out to meals and retreats. I don't approve of doing that 100% of your time and neglecting all your family. Jerks is all I can say. I'm glad I'm not like them. If I don't have to be at work I'm at home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:07pm
While everyone is different and if they enjoy their lives and are now having a good time then let them live their own lives. If they don't establish a close relationship with your kids then they are the ones that will pay the price when your kids don't want to have anything to do with them. If your dad doesn't like kids then I don't know what to say. I'm sorry for you that they are that way & would hope that your mom would have her own say in this since it's Christmas and it's her family too. I would send them a very nice card for Christmas with pictures of the kids & tell them that you wish they would have been there for Christmas. I think it may make them feel guilty & maybe they will make more of an effort. You can only do so much in trying to get them to come but if they don't then focus on what you have with your kids & make your relationships with them as strong as you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:23pm

LOL sounds like exactly what I want to do when my DS is finally grown and on his own - baby, just get out of my way 'cause I'm going to live it up!


I love my son dearly and WOULD give up any plans I had just to be with him on Christmas, so not exactly like your parents, but really - I don't blame them. In fact, I kinda admire them!


<<< ...parents who have run away from homes, are having the time of their lives partying, and never come back home? >>> ROFLMAO - they sound like wayward teenagers rediscovering the joys and freedom of NO responsibilities, NO family to depend on them, NO cares.... and nearing retirment age (if not there already), so getting what they can out of life before they're too old and decrepit to enjoy it! Way to go, folks!


My parents drove an RV every winter south to Texas and Florida, then in spring drove that house-on-wheels north to Branson, Mo., or to Minnesota, or Washington State, or wherever their hearts took them. They had a sticker on the back, "Spending our Childrens' Inheritance." LOL!

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:29pm
No, it doesn't help at all. I feel abandoned and betrayed, and I doubt if that feeling will ever go away. They aren't there when they are needed, and I was a slave to them my teenage years ironing my dad's work shirts, cleaning their house, having dinner on the table when they got home, mowing their yard, etc. - and I was forced to do it. Severe abuse is what one counselor called it - and it was. And they continue it and feel no remorse. As far as I'm concerned the way I feel right now I don't care if I ever see them again. And you're right, I don't want my children exposed to their incredible selfishness. Don't answer me back if you don't agree - I don't want to hear it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:53pm
I don't think people don't agree with you ,I just think it's hard to just tell you that your parents are jerks since we don't know them or really the situation. I think since you said that you had such a hard life with them then in my case I wouldn't want my parents around to treat my children the same. I would let them live their own lifes & while I'm sure that is so hard for you...you have to live your own life and try not to dwell on how they are treating you. It sounds like they never have been supportive so they aren't going to change their ways now. I don't know what it is like to be in your shoes & I'm sure it is very depressing & I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. But just put your energy in your children & give them the love & support that you never had while growing up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 5:10pm

My goodness! You ARE angry with them. I never said whether I agree or disagree with your position - and I still won't. You have a right to "feel" anyway you like - that's normal, and not something you can control.


I take no offense to your post, and apologize if any of my comments offended you. It was unintentional. You should be aware, however, that posting on a public message board is an invitation for anyone to respond in whatever way they like, as long as it doesn't violate IVillage's T.O.S.

                  &nbs

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 5:27pm

Hi there,


I must say that I don't totally understand your anger in this situation but this might be the last straw for you.