How to free myself from this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
How to free myself from this?
5
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 10:16pm

I moved in with my mom and brother (age 21-I am 26) to help her out during her cancer chemo in May. While she is not on chemotherapy, she unfortunatly is stage 4, so eventually breast cancer will be her cause of death. My mom is doing very well right now, continuing to work and maintain an active life. She really needs no assistance at this point in time.

I want to move out in August. I brought this up to my mother tonight, and she cried and yelled about how she was dying and that she needed me (her oncologist told her last week there is no reason she couldn't live 10+years). I am having a hard time sharing a roof with her and my brother. My brother's girlfriend keeps a blog online about how stupid my family is. She called my mom the c*** with cancer and called me a fat cow. She writes daily entries about how crazy we are. Not even joking, will be happy to send the address to anyone through PM. My brother barely works and has failed multiple classes to be behind 2 years in his bachelor's degree. He has stolen money from my mom's bank account until I put the kabash on that. While my mom and I have a great relationship one on one, I believe she is codependent upon my brother-giving him pricey gifts and money to make him "like her" more. Since dating this girl, his attitude is much different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 10:25pm

You probably aren't going to move on without freaking your mom out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 10:30pm

Thanks. Really, I don't want to put any distance between my mom and I's relationship. I just want as much space as possible away from my brother

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 12:54am

I'm not saying you should put a wedge between your mother and yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2002
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 5:01pm

Be honest with her about why you want to move out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 5:51pm

I don't think you can have it both ways. I don't think you can move out but still micromanage the relationship between your mom and her son. Their co dependence on eacch other is THEIR Issue and I woudl say it is about time to let that go.

I woudl probably just set a date and let everyone know you are moving out on x date.