How to handle Adult children fighting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
How to handle Adult children fighting
17
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 1:03pm

For the most part my 3 kids get along. However, sometimes they get into some really nasty arguments usually over stupid things. I hate to see this and try to mediate which only seems to make things worse. My younger two had an argument last week and my son ranted about how he was not going to get his sister anything for Christmas. She of course said then she wouldn't get him anything. I didn't want to have any stress over the holidays so I tried to make them apologize to each other. Of course, I can never learn my lesson and by trying to intervene it just made it worse. I know of many families where siblings have not spoken to each other in years and it would kill me if that happened to my kids. How do you handle it when your adult kids fight???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 1:07pm

That's how my mum was. Sometimes mediating between two people, it seems like you're taking sides. Or if one side doesn't want you to intervene, then they take it as you're taking the other person's side by intervening for him / her. As my mother got older, she didn't have the energy to intervene anymore and she stopped. She got into a lot less trouble that way. :smileyhappy: I think the kids will work out things for themselves. They're adults and should be handling things like adults.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 1:10pm

Thanks, I know I should stay out of it but I have this fantasy of "One big happy family". It seems like everyone I know has family issues. Does a family that gets along with each other and is respectful to each other exist anymore???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 1:30pm
I have three grown (that's debatable) children. When there is a problem, I raise my hands in the air and repeat the same thing I've said since they were kids. "Work it out yourselves and leave me out of it." Right now youngest is mad at oldest. I don't lose any sleep over it. It's between them. I will not get involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 1:32pm

.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 1:54pm

2 words....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 2:09pm

Thanks for the input. That is my problem, I have to learn not to lose sleep over it. When I don't know about it they must resolve it themselves. When I know I worry and try to make everything alright. I wish I had butted out this time, now it will probably be worse over the holidays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 2:23pm
With adults, the squirt gun is only effective if there's some sulphuric acid in it or something!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 2:35pm
My youngest ahd oldest are usually at odds. Funny thing is, when he was little, DD couldn't spoil him enough. When son was still a minor, they got into it really bad. Screaming and yelling at each other. I told them I was going to the store and when I get back they better have it solved. I left. Now younger son is upset with DD over something she ask him to do, then turned around and stabbed him in the back. I stay out of it. I don't want involved. That way they can't say I took sides. Middle kid just kinda stays to himself. He's in the military so we are happy to see him when he's here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 2:44pm
Sorry this has backfired on you, and making things worse for the holidays.

Hope it all works out....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 5:35pm

Now, you say they normally get along, but fight over something "stupid". You are better off than a lot of families. I know people who haven't spoken to a sibling in years, because they fought over something "big". Be happy that for the most part, they do get along.

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