how to help friend addicted to alcoholic

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
how to help friend addicted to alcoholic
13
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 7:09pm

I have a friend I’ve known for about 5 years who is married to an alcoholic.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:09pm

Im really not sure what to suggest.

If anything, you could call the local law enforcement and see if they will do a welfare check. Those tend to be considered anonymous, and if there is any concern when they do check, they can them take the necessary steps.

As of right now, it seems as though your friend has made at the very least proper accommodations for her kids. She secured a safe primary residence, she makes herself readily available to them when they are not in her custody, and as frustrating as it may be she makes sure he is not driving around posing a danger to others.

I know it may seem like she is enabling his behavior. But she could be looking at it as minimizing his behavior's affects on the kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 3:39pm

thanks for your input.....Helps me shift my concerns a bit and i will suggest that she can call our local agency to do welfare checks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 7:18pm

Hugs,

unfortunately he is considered capable until proven otherwise. And as obviously compelling as multiple DUIs is to most people. It isn't enough.

I do hope she is able to separate herself eventually. Emotions and a strong desire to make things right often cloud one's perspective.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 2:58am

Well that is good to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 8:19am

She will have a hard time, doing what she needs to do, unless she can detach herself emotionally. It seems she still has feelings for him, because she puts up with a LOT from him.

Yes, she should document everything to make sure that all visits are supervised. It is strange that the state says the man can't drive, but can care for small children. it's2010 and kids are still falling through the cracks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 5:02pm

Yep, she is very much attached in a codependent way so that what he does and says drives her stronger than her and the kids needs and she is intimidated by him big time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 9:09am
What she wants is impossible. She wants him to stop drinking and be a good husband / father and he doesn't want to be. She should know by now that you can't make a person change. The only thing you can do is tell her you're backing off, because she is only going to do what she wants anyway. As long as you can stand it, listen to her problems and say "and how's that working out for you?" If you get really fed up, you might want to tell her that you can't be here sounding board, because she is only telling you the same thing over and over. She's not interested in solutions and it's frustrating you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 3:22pm

Yes, that is defintely where I'm at right now and that sounds perfect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 9:01am
Yes, she is putting this kids at risk and she will be the one who's held liable should something happen. You told her several times and she wants to continue with this drama-go-round. I would throw my hands up too and tell her you don't want to get too involved with this, since she's not wiling to listen.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 12:39pm

YEP, THAT IS WHERE I AM NOW.

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