How Much Lead Way Do You Give A Friend Who Has Lost Their Husband To Act Like A B--ch Toward You?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
How Much Lead Way Do You Give A Friend Who Has Lost Their Husband To Act Like A B--ch Toward You?
6
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 12:57am

My Friend lost her husband in December two weeks before Xmas and at first she was angry with him because she thought he was having an affair and now she seems to be angry with the world. She is snapping at everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011

Husband had no friends either? Isnt that a warning sign.. unless of course they were very busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

Unfortunately her husband had no friends either, my husband was the closest thing he had to a friend and it was only a social thing when I invited them over and my husband only tolerated him for my sake. My friend and her husband were each others best friend and they infrequently socialized with others as a couple.

She was somewhat close to her husband's sister, but after the way she treated her when we were helping her pack up his things I would not be surprised if her sister

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011

Hi K I R,

I completely feel your pain over this friend and think you are coming to the right decision yourself.

" I find myself not calling as much as I should and I feel guilty about it. but

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

Actually since I had cut her out of my life years ago for being a b--ch and when I allowed her back in she never behaved that way with me since and that has been about 10 years ago. But since her husband died her bitchy ways returned. I have been taking it because I know she just lost her husband and that has to be very painful and I am literally the only friend she has other than her sister and the sister is worse than her when it comes to being nasty.

In the past I would have no problem telling her to step off and not deal with her but she is in so much pain and I guess I am fearful of

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005

She obviously has psychological issues that run deeper than grief. The grief has probably just triggered it again. People like that can be very difficult to deal with and no, it doesn't give them the right to treat others so poorly. She needs help but that doesn't necessarily mean you're right person to help her.

Personally, I think I would just be straight with her. I'd say something, calm but firmly such as "I know you're dealing with a lot right now so I've made a lot of allowances for you but frankly, it doesn't give you the right to constantly verbally abuse me. I hope that you can get through this and will get the help you need by seeing a therapist or checking yourself back into a psychiatric hospital. But unfortunately, I don't think I can continue to be your friend when you are so abusive to me."

Maybe it will get through to her, maybe she abuses you because you've never stood up for yourself so she knows you'll just take it. You say you have a low tolerance for being yelled at and disrespected but on the contrary, it sounds like you've put up with a lot from her and your tolerance for being abused is very high.

Maybe speaking up will just spark more verbal abuse - at that point, it's time to just walk away. Yes, she has problems, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and for the sake of your own emotional well being, you need to get away from her. Maybe losing all her friends is exactly what she needs to hit rock bottom again and admit that something needs to change.