How should we take this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
How should we take this?
9
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 5:25pm
My mom always mails out a Christmas card to my sister's in-laws and she always has her letter that she types up every year describing all that happened over the year and sends this will all of her cards. Well with in a few weeks apart of this year both my sister & SIL had babies. These 2 babies are so different from each other & of course my mom loves them both dearly but my sister's baby never really smiles but she has an adorable little smerck while if you even look at my nephew he just laughs & it just cracks you up at how different they really are. My mom has said that my sister's daughter was a little more reserved & had a smerck of her own while my nephew is just all smiles. She by no means meant to hurt or offend my sister. She was simply stating their differences. Well my mom called me last night & received a Christmas card back from my sister's in-laws and in their card she put a P.S. at the bottom and said that "her grand daughter was by no means reserved & is very smiley all the time." My mom was very annoyed at this because she feels that this MIL of my sister's is a just always trying to make problems. I know you don't know the entire history but my parents are very flexible with all of us regarding the holidays & almost all of the time my sister has to deal with her MIL because she wants her there all of the time & basically who cares about her other side of the family. I have known them too for a very long time & her MIL is just always thinking that she is the only grandmother that my niece has & it's very strange. My sister gets upset because my parents don't visit as much as her in-laws do but then again my mom had 3 kids of her own and my sister's MIL has 1 stepson (my BIL) and this is most likely the only grand child they will have so it's a bit different. I hate the way that this women thinks she is better then everyone else & kind of shocked at her P.S. in the Christmas card. I'm going to see this lady in a few weeks & don't even feel like talking to her because she is just trying to create problems...ALWAYS. Any suggestions on how to deal with her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 5:47pm
"My mom has said that my sister's daughter was a little more reserved & had a smerck of her own while my nephew is just all smiles. "

I would be offended also. I have no idea how you could say this so it doesn't seem nasty.

Let's see:

One child is all smiles = happy all the time

One child is reserved and has a smerck(smirk) = no personality (and that is a good connotation)

If I was the mother (or grandmother) of that child and someone said that about him, I would be very upset. Your mother should apologize. I have no idea how to take back the letters sent to everyone else, but this letter surely makes your mom look bad. IMO

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 8:07pm
I'd just leave this issue be. You know how your sister's MIL is. If you make any mention of this at all, it's just fuel for her. If you respond, you allow her to create problems.

As for what your mom wrote, I don't believe that she did anything wrong. I don't believe that reserved = no personality. These kids are different people. Not all people are happy-go-lucky-roll-with-it type people. That doesn't mean they are lacking in anyway. I think your mom was just describing her new grandkids.

I have 2 cousins who are siblings, a girl who is 5 and a boy who is 3. The girl is a really sharp kid, can be very serious at times, and just thinks about everything. She is a happy kid, but not quick to smile. When she thinks something is funny, she gets a twinkle in her eyes and a smile that comes on real slow. Her brother is also smart, but he is more into having fun and being social - smiles a lot, sits on people's laps, etc. He doesn't consider things are much as his sister. Both kids have *oodles* of personality, but their personalities are vastly different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:39am
Actually reserved in some ways means "shy" so I wouldn't take that as being rude of my mom to say about her granddaughter. Also, the entire family jokes around about her "smirk" because we all think it's adorable (which my mom had also stated in the letter) so that also isn't a bad thing to say. Kids are always different which makes them special. My mom doens't need to apologize for saying how she feels in a letter which describes how one child is shy & the other is not. And I disagree that it makes my mom "look" bad. I am new to this board & I do appreciate all the advice but maybe learn to say things in a "nicer" way. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:46am
That's exactly how my niece is & when she thinks something is funny then she looks up at you & gives you a smirk and you just have to work harder at getting her to laugh but I think it's adorable & so does my mom. I agree they all have different personalities. You are right though...I should just leave this issue alone because she isn't my MIL and if my sister is upset then she is the one that needs to talk to my mom. I just get annoyed at her MIL because over the years she has done some really nasty things. I also just feel badly for my mom sometime because she does so much for us & my sister just treats her badly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 9:41am
I tell it like I see it.

Maybe you and your mom should think about what you put in a letter that goes to everyone before you send it. Reserved and smirk may be cute to you, but to other people it isn't. I would be offended if someome said that about me or my family. I don't consider it to be a compliment, ESPECIALLY when up against a child who is "all smiles".

I still think an apology is in order. While you may not think anything was wrong, you need to understand that other people may think that this is rude.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 9:47am
Yes, you sure do tell it just as YOU see it and that's fine. I did notice a few other posters had problems with you as well so it is in my best interests to block your posts so if you ever notice my id name then please don't bother to respond. You just seem very bitter to me. Please don't respond...I have just blocked your responses. People like to get feedback but not when you accuse & don't try to see both sides before offering advice. I did hear from the other poster that I should stay out of this & leave it alone which is what I needed to hear and by no means was she nasty about it.
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 10:58am

I am a parent of these two types of children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 11:49am
I understand you probably won't see this but....

The people who have a problem with me are the ones that do not want to see. When you come to these boards, you will get opinions other than your own. When those opinions do not agree with the original poster, people sometimes tell me they don't like me.

Let me tell you, my opinion is my opinion. Listen, don't listen...fine. However, it is folly to think that my opinion is not valid.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 7:17pm

I saw nothing nasty about what ekdjmom said to you - only a difference of opinion. Generally, from what I've seen in the year I've been posting on this board, the people who have a problem with

                  &nbs