How To Tell My Friends and Family I need a Break From Their Problems & Drama?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
How To Tell My Friends and Family I need a Break From Their Problems & Drama?
6
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 5:47pm

Background:

I have three close girlfriends back in my home town, two I have known since I was 5 years old and one since I was 13. I am now 54 so there is a lot of history there. I moved away from the area over 25 years ago when I separated from my ex. We have always kept in touch no matter where we lived, I am the only one who moved away and didn’t move back.

Anyway, I don’t know how or when I got the role of

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

I learned the other day that apparently someone did call on her and she is being monitored by social services. She has been living with different friends and relativies and one of the people she had stayed with

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010

That has to be a helpless feeling, expecially with the background

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

How about telling them straight up "hearing all of this stuff is causing me a lot of stress so I need to take a break from it. I love you and want to be supportive of you but right now I'm burnt out so I'm taking a break from everybody's problems". And tell the sisters that you're done being referree for their fights.

If at some later time you want to resume hearing all of their problems, set boundaries first. I have an elderly friend who told me that when he gets together with his same age buddies they have a rule that each one gets 5 minutes to talk about their aches and pains and ailments. Major surgery is worth 10 minutes, one time lol. Because otherwise they would all be moaning about those things the entire get-together and nobody likes to hear negativity non-stop. He said that it actually works really well. So if your friends start in with the problems, break in and tell them for how long you're willing to listen to that stuff and that you will change the subject whether they're done or not. They'll figure it out, and get to the point quickly or stop dumping their problems on you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

No, I can't call on the grand kids I live 800 miles away, which is why I've tried to get my get my gf to call because she has actually saw marks and signs of abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010

I would suggest telling them that it's between each other and you don't want to be in the middle. Being the mediator is unhealthy for you and for them. They have to work out their own issues. You don't have to share what's going on in your life if you don't choose. You don't have to justify your choice to not be in the middle at all. It's a reasonable request.

Can you call on the grandkids? Marks are only evidence of some of the abuse. There is more that isn't leaving physical evidence. Good for you for calling when she was abusing her daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I hate drama queens.