How to understand my sister??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
How to understand my sister??
9
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 9:01am

I am

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 11:15am
First of all, your sister has to want to change, nobody can do it for her. Second, you've approached her about her bad behavior at least once already so I'm not sure doing so again will do any good. Unfortunately, you can't pick your relatives. However, you can set boundaries. If you want to continue your relationship with your nephew, I would suggest keeping conversations light, positive and as brief as possible with your sister. As far as your brother, I don't think her absence is going to make that much of an impact. True, it would be nice if she could/would participate, but in the end, the issue isn't about her, it's about his health & well being. Best of luck to you.
Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 12:22pm
I agree with cfk. I highly doubt that having her at your discussion with your brother would be helpful if she's likely to dominate and make sure that the attention and discussion revolves around her. She seems not likely to help your brother get to any treatments and appointments; so, rather than stress your brother even more, I'd want to exclude her.
You know you can't rely on her, and thankfully, she doesn't necessarily need to do anything for you to visit with her son every so often. I'm sure you can call and talk with him and keep your conversations with her brief. You could probably stop by her house to see your nephew, too, and just remember to not focus your time on her while you're there. Have your nephew visit you--you're likely to have to pick him up and drop him off, but he's a kid and can't get around by himself. Sure, it would be great for her to offer to get him over to see you, but you already know that it's unlikely that she's that willing to do those types of things. I think you need to stop expecting anything more from her because she's already shown you that she's not going to live up to your expectations.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 5:44pm

I am so sorry for all the pressure you have been under.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 6:32pm
Thanks, I agree with what you have said :).
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 6:32pm
Thanks Liz. I agree with you, it is not so much about her being there as her wanting the whole thing to revolve around her, it is just hurtful to have someone not care. She has had low times in her life and we as a family have rallied around her for moral support but she doesn't have it to give. She is very controlling with her son, like I said visits, phone calls etc are on her terms. Basically the only time she is nice and wants us around is when she is getting something out of it, i.e, babysitting etc. I value your opinion. Why are people like this, I guess that is what I want to know??
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 7:04pm
Thank you. It is not as much pressure as disappointment having a family member behave like this constantly. Your right I can't make someone care but the thing is I still care about her and wish sometimes I could cut off. I will repost after the family meeting and let you all know how it went.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 08-20-2011 - 12:13pm

There are lots of reasons people act like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 8:35pm
Hi, thankyou. Things got worse as the intervention closened, she wanted to come and we gave her a time to which did not suit her, we told her not to worry but she insisted on coming so my husband offered to sit with her husband to help look after the children for 1 hour as he had hurt his back (that is the reason she could not come to begin with) to which she exploded violently and started ranting and raving saying "I am not having someone in my house helping to put my children to bed, I am the parent and my husband is the parent and how dare you offer such a thing etc. We have now had enough of her. My partner for the first time in years has said enough is enough so we will cut contact with her. It is too much trouble having someone like this in our lives, it is mentally exhausting. There is always trouble.

As for the intervention, we could not get hold of my brother so will plan that as soon as we can.

Thank you for your help but enough is enough. Like I said earlier it is like a rollercoaster and we are at the end of our tether.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 9:34pm
Oh hell yeah!! Enough IS enough! What a fool she is.