Hurt by my Sister
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|Fri, 07-05-2013 - 5:51pm|
Hi. I've posted here before, but way in the past. Anyway, to get to the point, I have a sister who has bipolar disorder.Thank goodness, she's on pills now. I have a very deep devotion to her. There's a lot to say, but I'll summarize. She used to be married to a guy that I adored. He was nice, generous and always seemed to want us all to hang out. I was with my ex-husband then, and am not with him now. I have two girls, eighteen and twelve.
Anyway, she has since divorced her last husband and married a new one. She has two twin, one and a half year old babies with him. I love her and her babies with all of my heart and soul. Her husband is a different matter. I tolerate him. He is very misogynistic, though and has, on more than one occasion insulted me needlessly. He does this to everyone, though, so I just keep my distance and am amiable when I see him.
My sister, however, has sold me to the birds. She likes hanging out with me because I can then a)help out with her twins and b)listen to her complaints about her husband. However, when the blue moon comes around and he is nice to her, I am dumped like yesterday's trash. She never tells me when they go on a trip or even out anywhere. We were sort of planning to do something on the Fourth of July, (although no promises). She then proceeded to tell me matter-of-factly that at the last minute, they were going with friends on that day. I asked her if they were doing an overnight, not because I am trying to be nosy, but because I noticed that she brought the dog over to my parent's house. She said no, they just brought him over so she wouldn't have to come in the morning. Lie. I knew it the minute she said it, and today my Dad (not knowing he was revealing something new to me) told me they did an overnight.
I am pretty much tired of telling her that I don't feel she is devoted to me. It doesn't get me anywhere. My new tactic is to really not be as available as I was before. She told me to "get a life" when I told her that I knew she was going on an overnight trip. (This was before my dad confirmed this, when I just knew). She does this every single time any event like a trip or something social comes up. The only time she asks me to join in is when she happens to be in the park with a friend and I just happen to be in the neighborhood, so she asks me to join.But rarely. And I always tell her to have fun with her friend, and I'll meet up with her at another time. And I mean it. I want her to have fun, and I am always encouraging her to meet new people and make friends with other couples.
The time that I get offended is on trips, or when she could have asked me to join. Most of the time, I would probably say no, if other couples are around, but it would be nice to be asked.
So I do realize I need to get a better social life for myself. But I'm not sure if this change in her ways with me is because 1)her husband is different than her first husband 2)the bipolar medication makes her more callous or 3)she really just wants me around when it is a personal benefit to her (i.e.helping her manage the kids).
I am very hurt by this and decided to show her that the wheel is round and it goes both ways. What do you all think? I don't know if I should talk to her about this, because it doesn't seem to help.