Husband acts irrational and irresponsibl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Husband acts irrational and irresponsibl
7
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 3:31pm
I have a problem. My husband walked out on October 24th, 2003. We have 2 children 3 and 6. Anyway in order to try to work things out we started to go to marriage/family counseling. Have been going for 5 weeks. Anyway it has come up that he wants to spend every Saturday all day and then over night at his mom and brothers they live together. As part of his "transitioning" back. It seems like he won't commit to coming back altogether w/o this safety net.

I have a problem with this b/c it seems unreasonable for him to do this we both work f/t and don't see the children enough as it is. However he will not budge on this situation and has accused me of not letting him have a break. So when do I get a break? I guess I want to know if anyone else thinks this is okay or not I would be happy to elaborate more just to find out where he is coming from or if this is just a symptom of him wanting to be single like his mom(divorced) and brother(single). Maybe he just has strange expectations but I find this hard to understand as he is not being responsibile for his children and does not do much around the house now. Somebody please help!!

If I am posting to the wrong board could someone point me in the right direction?

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 1:46am
Anyone who walks out on their children and marriage (home) are pure immature. Instead of acting more of a man and face the music, they walk away because they can't deal with the problems they're having at home. They're frustrated. It's like having a temper tantrums.

You're right he is irrational and irresponsible. He doesn't want to grow up! Doesn't make a good rule model for his children. DIVORCE HIM and leave him with nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 9:47am
I must agree w/ the prevouis poster and yourself. I find this odd and immature. I could understand if he wanted to spend an afternoon or evening w/ his mother or brother but almost 2 days and especially on the weekends, sorry sounds fishy to me (is it possibly that he is dating or cruising the single scences???, sorry I dont want to hurt your feelings but w/ his demanding manner on these days and it being a weekend, it just came to mind). I can also see where you are coming from the weekends is where a majority of parents spend time w/ each other and their kids. I am sure w/ a 3 & 6 y/o you have your hands full. I too, am asking if he gets his time, then where is your 1-2 days away from home. This is a childish, immature temper tantrum...where is his responsiblity to you, his children, home...I have a problem w/ this...I would stick to my guns on this one..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 3:33pm
I agree. The first thing that came to my mind is that he has a honey on the side.

File for divorce. Then tell your husband that if he wants back in the marriage he needs to do so with both feet. If not, then move on, you are better without him.

BTW, what does the councilor say about this demand?

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 4:06pm
Lets see she tried to help him understand that we need him there and that is where his primary responsibility should be. Did not work. She also said it was irrational and unreasonable for him to expect that I allow this to go on. I have confronted him about having an affair but to this day denies it. I think it might be easier if he were more honest about his feelings and such. I am tired of trying and looking for the WHY of all this. Actually to be honest after listening to everyone I consulted with a lawyer and feel that it would just be better to cut all ties with him. I plan on taking everything and fighting for it all no matter what!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 3:09pm
I agree with the others - my first guess was that he has a honey on the side too. That story about hanging out with his Mom and brother doesn't make any sense. You can only control what you do and you should obviously be there for your kids whatever he does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 10:18am

I had to laugh when I read that "transitioning" part - sounds like psycho-babble to me. What does he need "transitioning" back FROM? Good grief, he's only been gone 6 weeks! Transitioning..... wouldn't it be just dandy if we moms could have "transitioning" when a baby arrives! Like we could take the baby to a friend's every Saturday, and all night, withOUT paying them, because we need time to "transition" into parenting. LOL!


Oh, I can definitely see a need for "transitioning" in some cases - like a soldier returning from a war zone (seen it, been there, done that - transition process can take up to a year!), or a mother of 6 who's just returned home from the hospital after having a nervous breakdown.

                  &nbs

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 3:46pm
Yippeee! I feel like I need to celebrate with you. I wish you the best! I think you did the right thing. Serves him right to be irrational and irresponsible. He'll wake up one day, but it's too damm late!