Husband Angry With Me Even Though I Saved His Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Husband Angry With Me Even Though I Saved His Life
6
Mon, 12-16-2013 - 1:08am

  I was in the kitchen on the phone and my husband was at the table eating breakfast when he started making these annoying coughing sounds, (not unusual for him). I left out of the kitchen so I could hear. When suddendly it got real quiet and something told me to go back into the kitchen, when I entered the kitchen I saw my husband kneeling on the floor choking. I went behind him with the phone cradled between by chin and shoulder and I preformed the heimlick maneuver on him and dislodged the food caught in his throat. I asked him if he was ok when he said yes and I continued with my conversation.

 My husband is angry with me because... I never stopped talking on the phone, I left out of the kitchen to begin and he thinks I was too cold about the whole thing. In my defense I had no idea he was choking when I left out of the kitchen; I thought he was being his usual self as he frequently complains about me being on the phone and sometimes turns the tv up loud when I am on the phone. I never even looked at him, I just left out of the kitchen and when I saw him on the floor I just went into action and I forgot I was even on the phone for a few seconds. I heard my friend in my ear still talking and I finished up the conversation quickly as I was on my way to church when she called.

   I really think my husband should be grateful I saved his life, that the fact that I stayed on the phone while doing it is inmaterial and is more of a testament to my being able to stay calm during a crisis. Now he is saying I'm cold and is actually pissed with me; I say he should have at least said thank you and be glad I was on the phone. Because I was on my way out the door when the phone rang and had I just let it ring and continued out the door I would not have been around to save him. I am confused as to how he can be anygry with me and not even thank me and I frankly don't see how I could owe him an apology.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Well I don't know but I think if I saw a family member choking or having any kind of medical emergency, the first thing I'd do is drop the phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

  I just sprang into action when I saw him on the floor and I really didn't think about the phone. I have a cordless phone and I am so used to doing everything when I am on the phone.  I am just happy I didn't freeze up like I did when my son had fallen off his bike and had a hugh knot on his head and was bleeding. My husband had to tell me more than once to call 911, I just froze and could barely dial the phone.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

I'm impressed that you could perform the Heimlich maneuver while keeping the phone between your shoulder and ear, and you didn't pull a muscle in your neck or something.

It seems like you are viewing the entire episode in a logical and detached way. For your husband there is probably a lot of emotion---it was probably frightening for him, he had a brush with his mortality.

I do think its a little strange that once you dislodged whatever was choking him, you resumed the phone call (and then left for church?) I would expect someone to at least tell the caller that you cannot talk any more and hang up, then spend some time making sure that husband is really okay. Maybe your husband is hurt that you didn't show much interest in his condition after the emergency was over. He should thank you for saving his life, and while you may not technically owe him an apology, it would be gracious of you to admit that you should have shown more concern for his condition right after the incident. 

I would also be thinking about the other "what if"---if you had not answered that phone call and had left for church on time, you probably would have come back home to find your husband dead on the floor (unless he had gotten up to answer the phone which would change the course of events). If you were now a widow you wouldn't be fretting over who owes whom an apology or a thank you. If you love your husband and want to be with him for a long time, just tell the man you're sorry that you weren't more doting and let this go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013

I think Elc hit it on the head with this:

It seems like you are viewing the entire episode in a logical and detached way. For your husband there is probably a lot of emotion---it was probably frightening for him, he had a brush with his mortality.

He probably can't understand why it wasn't a life changing experience for you like it was for him. Also, sometimes men can have a small issue with pride. That might be why he hasn't thanked you properly. Sorry you're going though this now. Pretty awesome you saved his life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

You are right, I could have come home to my husband  dead on the kitchen floor as a matter of fact two years ago my friend came home from Christmas shopping and found her husband dead on the kitchen floor. We both have a lot to be thankful for and I have been looking at this in a logical detached manner, because I can't begin to think of what could have happened. I love my husband very much and my mind can't even allow me to think of the fact that he could have died.  I guess my staying on the phone was my way of making a terrible situation seem normal and avoiding think of how close I came to losing my husband.

Thank you for your reply it really put things in prospective for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004

Probably he is mad because he is always mad because you are talking on the telephone, and when an emergency comes out you are capable to perform saving manuvers while not droping the phone.

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Men are not capable to perform several things at the same time, and we woman are capable to do so, it´s just the way we are wired.

Try to be nice with him and explain that you weren´t even aware that you were on the phone, that you enter just in a kind of automatic saving pilot action because of the emergency. We all do sometimes silly things in a crisis, like getting out naked of a building in an earthquake.

Hopefully he understands and in the future this can be a matter of laugh. The episode can be a good thing for a laughing program, your performance was AWESOME.

 

I´m sure you both need time for something like that.

 

Good luck!