Husband HATES His Job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Husband HATES His Job!
3
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 3:07pm
Hi,

This may be a fairly common occurance, i'm not sure , but my husband really hates his job. I am a stay-at-home mom and we have 3 small children (4,3,&1). He makes a good living which allows me to stay home with the kids but all he does is complain about work. Its starting to worry me. He is upset all the time and I dare not even ask how his day went for fear he will just go off on me. He is a very good husband and father and I dont think he would do anything crazy like just quit his job but I really need some advice. I try very hard to be sympathetic and listen to what he has to say but I end up just feeling bad, like its my fault he has to work. Before we met he was a manager at a bar, leading a very care-free life. We've been married 5 yrs and have 3 kids and now he has to work a very grown-up job. Someone help, I need some advice or even just a pleasant conversation. Thanks!

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 7:11pm
Hello and welcome to the board.

I can so relate to where you are coming from. I remember early in our marriage when my husband hated his job. He would come home upset every evening. I hated leaving in the morning. I remember getting the kids prepared for when daddy would be coming home. I would find something quiet for them to do in their rooms because he didn't like the kids "attacking" him when he walked in the door.

I have always been a SAHM. DH has never given me the option of working. His mother was home every day and he found a lot of peace as a kid and even as a teen-ager knowing that his mother was at home and avalible to him. So we dicided that I would always be home and avalible to our children.

But when he was working him hated job I couldn't take it anymore. I told him I would rather make it on less money and have him be happy than to have enough money and an upset husband. he really didn't know that he was "showing" his feeling so much. But knowing that I didn't look forward to the time when he was due home from work really snapped him out of it. It is a choice - to be happy or not. Your husband needs to just choice to be happy and look for the blessing in his life.

I would encourage you to have your husband do something he enjoys. Fishing, bowling, weight-lifting - whatever it is. make time and money for him it to enjoy it. He needs something in his life to look forward to. I would draw the line at things like going and hanging out drinking or being in places with avalible women. I'm sure you can guess my hang up there. :-) And I would tell you to make your home a place of comfort and rest for him. Do not use him for your only adult contact and unleash yourself and feeling on him every night. Have some friend to hang with while he is at work. Be a complete person. Then he can come home and enjoy you instead of having to complete you. (not that you have this problem, just talking from my own experience here)

Now I must say that my DH has found a place in his life that he truely enjoys. We own our own business and make enough money to have things we need and want. So life has changed for us. We have been married 15 years and our oldest child is 12. But my father has gotten up every day of the last 40 years and worked in a factory. He doesn't enjoy the work and he gets hassled a lot and his job is threatened all the time. But my dad choices to be happy. He goes to work, does the best he can - giving 100%, takes whatever crap they are hollering about that day, then he comes home and enjoys life. He golfs and it seems to keep him going.

I'm glad you are here and I would love to have you hang around and post. Both for yourself and to offer advice and insight to others that post here.

I don't have time to go through and correct my typos so please excuse any you find.

Melissa

Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 7:44am
Hello and welcome to the baord!! We have a great group of people here. So feel free to post as much as time allows ya. We would love to have you around.

Melissa said some very good points. I totally agree with her.Try to be as supportive as you know how. I know my DH hates his job at the moment but it is only for a year more. I totally understand how you feel. When my DH comes home I want to talk to him about his day and mine and all he wants to do is grumble or not talk at all. I really do think that this is a common problem, I don't think I have met one person who says they love their job all the time. Some of the time not all I don't think we would be human if we didn't grumble. You said he used to manage a bar before you married? Is there a reason besides money that he gave the job up? Does he absoulutely need this job to survive or just for all the +'s it brings? All I can say is if you can make it comfortably on another salary or not even that just tell him to start looking around for another job. There is nothing for him to lose because he would still be working at a job he hates. All he could do is find a job he would enjoy more. I think if DH was that miserable and he found another job that paid less I would be putting DS in daycare and trying to make up the difference. I am also a SAHM and we do fine, but if DH had a civilian job and was unhappy with it and it would mean I would have to go back to work I think I woud do it.

I hope this helped in any way. Please let us know how things are going for you. Remember we are always here so if you need to vent your frustrations go right ahead it helps :) Take care and try to smile:) Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 10:18am
Hi there, I was wondering how old he is? what kind of job does he have? I think some of these things could be part of the problem. Have you had any recent major life changes for either of you? health? parents? kids? Men react so differently to problems than we do. I would like to help with an opinion, but I am not sure what else might be going on in your lives. Take care. Chris