Husband Is such a bore...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Husband Is such a bore...
13
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 1:32am

Hello

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 10:08am

Have you sat him down and discussed this with him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 5:33pm

I really think you need to have a heart to heart with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 7:25am
I personally think you're being too hard on him. Its not his job to ensure your happiness! That's something, I believe, you have to do for yourself. I also believe that as part of a married couple...he should care that you're not happy.

Figure out what it is that's going to make you happy and then talk to him. Good luck!
Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 1:00pm

I agree with helga.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 9:58pm

He doesn't really care that I am dissatisfied with the marriage, he is fairly arrogant and does what he needs to do to maintain the lifestyle. Its a complete escape for him. He likes to be needed, and the more people need his help with their taxes and accounts and managing share portfolios, the more he escapes into that world. I basically live like a single mum, so I make sure I have arrangements with my friends and go out and enjoy myself. I do not enjoy his company anymore, as he is arrogant and passive aggressive. He will eat without saying a word at the dinner table and although he asks me how my day is, when I tell him about it he tries to solve my problems without actually just thinking about it and acknowledging them. He often tells me that its my fault when things go wrong ( for e.g. , in the business, when I tell him about staff problems, he will say its because I am too lenient as a boss or I should tell me staff to do XYZ.. Not really acknowledging these issues, its more like he is the boss, this is the way you do things - its my way or the highway.

Whenever we have had times in our marriage where I have just had enough and feel that I want to leave him, he has said that I can take my things and go. He doesn't realize that he will grow old and very lonely, but I guess he doesn't really care about that either.

No one has given me any really good advice yet on what to say to him , even though everyone has said that I need to talk about things and NOT Make him change. I think your wrong about that .. If he doesn't accept change, then he can't embrace a relationship properly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 11:06pm
I just assumed you have talked to him about it. Probably many times over the past 10 years, correct?

Do you think there is a "right" way to talk to him that will magically make him change?

Sorry for too many questions, but I'm not sure what you're looking for.

As far as myself, I feel you're correct in your feelings, and you might look to be moving on. Why be miserable for the next 10 years if it can be avoided? I don't think this man is for you, or your kids. That's the part that bothered me the most. He only speaks to the kids after they speak to him first. He doesn't sound like father of the year to me.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 7:55am
Seriously??? You thought we'd be able to give you some sort of potion or some magical phrase to make him the Man of your Dreams?! My point was & still is that marriage isn't easy & it takes a lot of work. If you haven't tried counselling, then go, before the divorce. Your kids deserve it!!!!!




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 2:05pm

Well, if you have already talked to him and expressed how you feel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 2:33pm

I disagree that she owes it to the kids to continue marriage with a man who ignores them

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 3:23pm
I see your point....he's not a very warm & fuzzy father type.

But there's so much divorce out there!!! And there are SO many kids growing up in single family homes. Not to mention how painful & destructive divorces can be on kids!!!!!




And I suggested she try counselling be/c she's not happy.....if she's not happy...then she should DO sometthing abt it.....such as try counselling.

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