Husband Is such a bore...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Husband Is such a bore...
13
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 1:32am

Hello

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 1:12pm
I'm curious. So in this situation, you think she needs to do more for her husband....in order to get what she needs out of the relationship???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 10:53pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2011
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 10:30am

The trick is to get him to want to make you happy. Men are very basic creatures, i know because i am one. Start by taking on an activity out of the home, going out with friends more or just going for walks. This will raise an eyebrow. Gradually keep yourself looking good each day, this will raise 2 eyebrows. If a man sees his with being a bit more independant then he becomes that bit more interested. Makes jokes with him. Out of the blue wait behind the door when he comes home and hug him and tell him how much you love him. I'm also sorry to say but men need more sex, give him love and he will give you love. Be happy and dont nag, men hate nagging, just pretend you do not care about the little things. Remember what you were like when he fell in love with you. Have you lost any of these traits? People can fall in love again. I hated my misses for over a year and then she started changing and now i cant keep my hands off her, i was lazy around the home but now i do stuff so when she comes home she is impressed and it makes her happy and when i make her happy she makes me happy :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 3:23pm
I see your point....he's not a very warm & fuzzy father type.

But there's so much divorce out there!!! And there are SO many kids growing up in single family homes. Not to mention how painful & destructive divorces can be on kids!!!!!




And I suggested she try counselling be/c she's not happy.....if she's not happy...then she should DO sometthing abt it.....such as try counselling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 2:33pm

I disagree that she owes it to the kids to continue marriage with a man who ignores them

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 2:05pm

Well, if you have already talked to him and expressed how you feel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 7:55am
Seriously??? You thought we'd be able to give you some sort of potion or some magical phrase to make him the Man of your Dreams?! My point was & still is that marriage isn't easy & it takes a lot of work. If you haven't tried counselling, then go, before the divorce. Your kids deserve it!!!!!




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 11:06pm
I just assumed you have talked to him about it. Probably many times over the past 10 years, correct?

Do you think there is a "right" way to talk to him that will magically make him change?

Sorry for too many questions, but I'm not sure what you're looking for.

As far as myself, I feel you're correct in your feelings, and you might look to be moving on. Why be miserable for the next 10 years if it can be avoided? I don't think this man is for you, or your kids. That's the part that bothered me the most. He only speaks to the kids after they speak to him first. He doesn't sound like father of the year to me.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 9:58pm

He doesn't really care that I am dissatisfied with the marriage, he is fairly arrogant and does what he needs to do to maintain the lifestyle. Its a complete escape for him. He likes to be needed, and the more people need his help with their taxes and accounts and managing share portfolios, the more he escapes into that world. I basically live like a single mum, so I make sure I have arrangements with my friends and go out and enjoy myself. I do not enjoy his company anymore, as he is arrogant and passive aggressive. He will eat without saying a word at the dinner table and although he asks me how my day is, when I tell him about it he tries to solve my problems without actually just thinking about it and acknowledging them. He often tells me that its my fault when things go wrong ( for e.g. , in the business, when I tell him about staff problems, he will say its because I am too lenient as a boss or I should tell me staff to do XYZ.. Not really acknowledging these issues, its more like he is the boss, this is the way you do things - its my way or the highway.

Whenever we have had times in our marriage where I have just had enough and feel that I want to leave him, he has said that I can take my things and go. He doesn't realize that he will grow old and very lonely, but I guess he doesn't really care about that either.

No one has given me any really good advice yet on what to say to him , even though everyone has said that I need to talk about things and NOT Make him change. I think your wrong about that .. If he doesn't accept change, then he can't embrace a relationship properly.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 1:00pm

I agree with helga.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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