Husband's Uncle's Incessant Unannounced Visits!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2011
Husband's Uncle's Incessant Unannounced Visits!
12
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 3:40pm

Just for back ground purposes.

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
I hate to use your mother as an excuse, because after all, it's impolite no matter how you look at it. However, since she's there, and she is up in age, I would invite them over for dinner or offer to take them out and find an opportunity to broach the topic. I would then explain that your mother, as they know, is now sharing your home with you & your husband, go on to explain that she is very fragile and easily excitable. I would then ask them not let themselves in any longer, and to please give you a courtesy call before coming over. Once you have had this conversation, I would encourage you to keep their visits short by announcing, when they call, that they are welcome to come get such and such from the garden, but you have things to do around the house and will not be able to act as hostess. Once there, if they make their way inside, I would chat for a few minutes and then inform them that you have errands to run, etc. If you keep this up, they will get the hint. There is no need to be rude or unkind but they need to understand that you & your family have lives separate of them. I know it's a delicate situation but if you handle it respectfully, I don't think they will take offense. The key will be consistency. Once you've spoken to them, I would stick to your guns. I wonder, if someone pops in without a courtesy call, is it rude not to answer the door? With regard to the garden, I think that's a simple fix. Next season, don't borrow the tiller, and make sure they aren't there when you plant :)
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

"I thought the use of the tiller plus my day of help tilling up the garden would mean more than this."

It might be worth your while to do a little accounting. Find out what it would have cost to rent a tiller like his. Add up any hours of his labor at minimum wage. Then figure out how much time you and your dh have spent weeding, watering, etc, and how much $ you might have spent on water, soil amendment, seeds or starts, etc and add up your side. At the point that your labor and expenses plus the 3 bags of produce are greater than his contribution tell him the gig is up and show him the math if necessary. This guy sounds like he will try to guilt you into letting him do and have whatever he wants, and subtlety does not seem to get through.

I don't consider it petty, and I know how these things get more irritating the longer they go on. Its your home and you are entitled to privacy and control over when and if you get company. You don't have to "receive" visitors if you don't feel like it. I would keep the doors locked at all times and don't answer when he knocks if you don't

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