Husband's Uncle's Incessant Unannounced Visits!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2011
Husband's Uncle's Incessant Unannounced Visits!
12
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 3:40pm

Just for back ground purposes.

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

"I thought the use of the tiller plus my day of help tilling up the garden would mean more than this."

It might be worth your while to do a little accounting. Find out what it would have cost to rent a tiller like his. Add up any hours of his labor at minimum wage. Then figure out how much time you and your dh have spent weeding, watering, etc, and how much $ you might have spent on water, soil amendment, seeds or starts, etc and add up your side. At the point that your labor and expenses plus the 3 bags of produce are greater than his contribution tell him the gig is up and show him the math if necessary. This guy sounds like he will try to guilt you into letting him do and have whatever he wants, and subtlety does not seem to get through.

I don't consider it petty, and I know how these things get more irritating the longer they go on. Its your home and you are entitled to privacy and control over when and if you get company. You don't have to "receive" visitors if you don't feel like it. I would keep the doors locked at all times and don't answer when he knocks if you don't

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
I hate to use your mother as an excuse, because after all, it's impolite no matter how you look at it. However, since she's there, and she is up in age, I would invite them over for dinner or offer to take them out and find an opportunity to broach the topic. I would then explain that your mother, as they know, is now sharing your home with you & your husband, go on to explain that she is very fragile and easily excitable. I would then ask them not let themselves in any longer, and to please give you a courtesy call before coming over. Once you have had this conversation, I would encourage you to keep their visits short by announcing, when they call, that they are welcome to come get such and such from the garden, but you have things to do around the house and will not be able to act as hostess. Once there, if they make their way inside, I would chat for a few minutes and then inform them that you have errands to run, etc. If you keep this up, they will get the hint. There is no need to be rude or unkind but they need to understand that you & your family have lives separate of them. I know it's a delicate situation but if you handle it respectfully, I don't think they will take offense. The key will be consistency. Once you've spoken to them, I would stick to your guns. I wonder, if someone pops in without a courtesy call, is it rude not to answer the door? With regard to the garden, I think that's a simple fix. Next season, don't borrow the tiller, and make sure they aren't there when you plant :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Haha. I didn't really put a whole lot of time or work into my garden! Just watering! Weeds don't even grow anymore, lol!

I hope you're not taking care of their part of the garden. I wouldn't even water it, with their attitude.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2011

Yes I do hear about Texas.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Oh, I thought his repeated visits now were because he was working in the garden. But he does nothing? Well, he shouldn't be surprised if his part died! You're taking care of it then? And he has the nerve to say what he said last Sunday? What an a**!!

(you obviously don't live in Texas, haha. i haven't had a vegetable grow in a few weeks. not one! i'm about ready to throw bleach on mine, lol.)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
LOL!!! I love your ideas ladies!!! Bleach.....lol....dead veggies.....hehehehehe!!! Stinkers!!!!

MIL used to do the same thing to me all the time!!! One day she came barging into my home after work, I was in the process of changing out of my work clothes. Let's just say she got more than she was looking for that day!!!!

I would lock the doors & not answer it when he comes knocking. I would also invest in caller id if you dont' already have it!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
I don't think it sounds trivial at all. In fact, you've held your tongue for far longer than I could/would have! After that last conversation, I would have shown him the door and told him his gardening days were over for good!

I hope your DH stands up to him soon- I just don't see this getting any better for you otherwise!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2011

HA....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Yes, the doors need to be locked at all times. It's a hassle, yes. BTDT.

It would be a darn shame if the garden died, huh? Especially just their side, lol. But that would be hard to explain away!

My husband once borrowed a tiller against my direct opposition. What happened, you want to know? Within 90 SECONDS of starting it, the motor blew up. It was just it's time, but guess who had to buy them a new one? Never, ever borrow things if it can be avoided. Rent one, instead.

I don't think it would be out of line for you to tell him, "hey, you came over here and just walked in and scared my mother half to death. you can't do that anymore. if our vehicles aren't here, do not stop and walk in."

Then pour just a tiny bit of bleach around their plants.

Just kidding, everybody.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2011

My husband gets upset with all the visits also.

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