To hyphenate or not to hyphenate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2012
To hyphenate or not to hyphenate?
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 1:20pm

I am getting married in 3 months. This understandably leads to many questions and opinions. One of the first questions I was asked after our engagement was from my parents about whether or not I would hyphenate my last name. I know there are a million opinions on this issue but I am a firm believer that it is completely up to the couple involved. In my opinion, a hyphenated last name doesn't fit with my personality. I like the idea of being Mr. and Mrs. Blank.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 5:07pm
You'll have to grin and bear not compromise what you and your future husband wants!! This is your life....your choices...and ultimately your final decisions. Shame on them for placing guilt on strong and I hope they come to their senses!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 7:34pm

This decision is entirely your's to make.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 3:07am

That's an interesting thing for your mom to say. You didn't state your grandfather's age but I'm guessing that he is from a generation that assumed and expected that, upon marriage, a woman took her husband's last name. And when your parents' generation started hyphenating last names at marriage the older generation thought it was weird. Maybe he's embraced the newer way of thinking, but this is probably your mom's idea and she's using grandpa for leverage.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 5:38am
An illness in the family doesn't give your parents the right to dictate your life and wedding. Personally, I would calmly but firmly say something like - "I know everyone is emotional and sentimental about Grandpa right now but it's my name and I'm asking you to please respect my decision on it. Thank you."

It's true, they are hurting right now... but so are you. Have they stopped to consider how difficult it must be for YOU to be planning a wedding and getting married while your grandfather is suffering from cancer? No, they just carry right on trying to push you into something you don't want. Why are YOU the only one trying to be sensitive to everyone else's feelings? Why can't they be sensitive to yours?

Now I'm not saying you should go all Bridezilla on them but this IS supposed to be "your time". The people closest to you should be thinking about your happiness and instead they are thinking about their own agendas. You're a wonderfully selfless person to be putting their feelings before yours but if there was ever a time to allow yourself to put your own feelings first... it's now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 9:21am

I agree with the others -- don't hyphenate if you don't want to.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 11:43am

My DW's situation was that she had no brothers, no male cousins to "carry on the family name".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 1:19pm

The next time your mother brings it up, just tell her, if she wanted the family name to be carried on, she should have had a son!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 8:38pm
I didn't hyphenate at first and went back and did it after five yrs. Your maiden name is always a part of your egal name. So I agree with the other two posts. Do whatever u and your fiancée decide. And remember, like me, you can change it down the road but only change it because the two of you decided together...not because of any pressure or guilt from others. If so, you will regret it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 1:13pm

Do what YOU want!