I am crazy or does she make me just feel guilty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2009
I am crazy or does she make me just feel guilty?
25
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 10:57pm

After a long hard 2 years after graduating college, moving back home, not being able to find a job, finding a job, quitting a job to move, getting married, my mom is still making me feel guilty .

I recently got married, (ive know my husband for almost 7 years). He is in the army and I moved far way. He recently deployed and I decided I wanted to go back home for a few months, just because its kinda of hard not having him around right now. I just think sometime with my family and friends will help the time pass. My mom was supportive now she pretty much back to her negative comments and I am really regretting saying I am coming home because I remember the way it was when I was jobless at home after college.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 11:27pm

I don't think you're crazy. I think your mother is giving you the guilt trip. Don't beat yourself up about telling her how much your DH makes. It's done and there's nothing you can do about it now. What you can do, is say "no" to a loan. She may be "joking" but her digs are sending messages for you to loan (which really means give) her money. I know about this. I have a brother, who has "borrowed" over 20K from me and I haven't seen a penny of it. My mom gives me the guilt trip about how I'm living the high life and they're struggling. Ummmm who's fault is that? Certainly not mine. It's not your fault or your problem your mom is working two jobs she doesn't like. She like anyone else, who has worked a crappy job can improve their situation by either learning to like where they're at and make the best of it or find another job.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 10:27am

I do hope you are giving your Mother rent money, monies for heat, elec., food, water and trash.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 11:52am
Can you, or would you, help her pay your student loan?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 3:48pm
I think your mom is definitely guilt tripping you, and I think the digs about money are crass, but, I couldn't allow my mom to struggle through working two jobs and barely scrape by and still expect her to pay MY student loan. Yes, she offered to help you then, but she clearly can't afford that now, so personally, I think you should be paying off your own education.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 4:29pm

I will be honest.

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Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 9:21pm

I'm here imagining how your mom must feel, working two jobs and paying off a student loan for you while you are financially comfortable enough that you don't have to work and you decide to pass the time by sitting on her couch. It must rankle. I think that you should pay off that loan for her even if it means that you have to get a job. The wedding dress, you can let that be her gift to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 11:40pm

Personally, I think you SHOULD feel guilty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 10:44am

I think you and your mom should not discuss money at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 6:43pm
<< I think you and your mom should not discuss money at all.>>

I think if you ask to move in within someone, and then you do, you have to talk about money!



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 6:13am

Hi...it's my firm belief that one of two things is true regarding guilt: either it's a waste of time OR it's trying to tell you something. In this case, I think it's trying to tell you something. Clearly you and your mom have to make your peace, which will involve actual discussions and possibly you having to dig into your pocketbook.

Growing up, I had a rocky relationship with my stepmother...I moved out as soon as possible (like, the day after h.s. grad.) and there is no way I would have moved home again. Even visits were challenging.

"Am I crazy or is this somewhat normal??"

No, you aren't crazy. I don't know what's considered normal anymore. I think if you are in a position to help your mother, you should consider it. Maybe her comments to you are her way of asking for help? The only other option would be for you to move on, because clearly neither of you is happy with the way things are.

 

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