I am never talking to my Aunt again!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
I am never talking to my Aunt again!!!
7
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 2:51pm
My husband was out of a job for a while and, after almost a year, we needed to borrow some money. We were out of funds. My grandma had money and I asked my Aunt (who was in charge of the funds) if I could borrow some until I got back on my feet. She told me sure, that I can pay it back when I can and if I can't, don't worry (those were here words). Well, I took the money.

Fast foward a few months and my grandma passes away.

Well, now my aunt is bothering my dad for the money. Apparently, she keeps asking him when I will be paying the money back.

I asked her for the money and she told me not to worry about it. I have no problems paying her back, but can't she just ask me? As if my dad, who is caring for my cancer-stricken-in-and-out-of-the-hospital mom really needs to be a go-between.

I am so mad, but my dad doesn't want me to say anything to my aunt about her asking him (with me here?). He lent us the money to pay her back!!

We are back on our feet and would have been able to pay her back soon but now I owe my dad instead. I didn't want to ask him in the first place.

Geez. How can I get my aunt to act like an adult and deal with me? (I realize there is probably no way in this scenario but I wanted to vent)

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 8:49pm
Don't know if it's greed or just to try to teach you to be more frugal or responsible with finances. But, how much did you borrow, a few thousand dollars? A few hundred? Maybe, you have to understand, too, that lending someone whether it's a friend or relative money, can break relationship, if they're not paid back. If a person lend me money, I won't forget, I give them back as promised, so they will lend me again when I need them. When someone borrows, you make a promise to pay when YOU can. But, promises or not, it's only polite to pay whether they're being POLITE by saying: don't worry if you can't. You have to understand, too, that maybe she have loaned money too many times and she got burned.

When I loaned my neices money: neice # 1.) she's poor living w/a boyfriend but buys her a giant stuff animal and small electronic playthings, living like extravagant, parties alot but can't afford their rent (so they borrow from me). With a promise that once they find a job, to pay me as much or as little per month. I have given them a chance to pay me back, finally I start asking. It took a year to pay back $250. They've been engaged for 3yrs. and not married because they're still poor.

Neice #2.) Has a good paying job, pays $100 for a Madonna ticket, car repossess, lives with grandparents (free), travels to NY to go to another concert, but can't afford her Credit card bills. She's trying to show me how independent she is and responsible at 30, with a promise that she'll pay me back next month in full. It took four months and a letter of apology for late payments.

Just because I'm filthy rich, if a child is not good w/money, hey I started out w/nothing, so how did I become so filthy rich? By being responsible. Sorry, don't mean to scold you, but I'm talking like an aunt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 9:56pm
Sorry if I wasn't clear on my post, I will make it clearer:

My husband was out of a job for a year. It was that long because of circumstances I don't wish to discuss, but it was not because he is a "bum" He now has a job that will get us back on our feet in a matter of months.

We lived off of our savings, and my meager salary for 11 months. I don't think that is fiscal irresponsibility.

I asked and she said yes. She also said "Don't worry if you cannot pay it back". Those were her words. If she didn't mean it, she shouldn't have said it. When I loan money, I never say that. I want my money back. If i don't want it back, then it is a gift, plain and simple!

She kept asking MY DAD, who was not in the transaction, for the money back. My father has problems of his own dealing with my mom, who is very ill with cancer and going through treatements.

My vent was, sorry if I was unclear, that she should have asked ME, not him. I went to her for the money, the deal was with me. There was no reason to upset my dad. My dad doesn't need to get upset and call me asking for the money back when she could have just called me and I would have sent a check ASAP.

In my family, we borrow money when we need to and I have borrowed before, when needed and I have always paid back. I am insulted by your post. I am sorry if you have been burned, but I am responsible but I hit hard times.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 1:55am
I apoligized if I sound harsh. Now that things are better now, pay her and get her off your back. So your dad won't have to call and 'remind' you again. If you're responsible you would have done so the first time she called your dad! Next time, you know you can't be bothered by your aunt again. Now let it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 10:06am
You are absolutely no help for a vent.

The check is in the mail. I was just upset. If you read, we would have been able to pay her back SOON, but by dad ended up sending us the money. Would you have wanted me to send my aunt a check that bounced? Making sure the check my dad sent went through was the smart thing to do.

I am really hurt that you couldn't offer just some words of support. Instead, you have turned what was a nice board for me into a hateful place. You called me names and cast dispersions on my character. I am responsible. Excuse me for having fallen on hard times. May you never have to go through what I have gone through this past year.

Like I said, I am not your neice. I think I will not come back here again. I don't need this kind of "help" when I need to vent and need some support.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 4:03am
I can see your problem because i have an Aunt similar to yours. Your Aunt should have gone straight to you if she wanted the money back not your father. She treated you like a child. What was an adult deal was turned into something between and adult and a child. You didnt say why she suddenly wanted it back. Still i dont think it matters she should have come to you. I also agree on the "dont worry about paying it back". I also only say that when money is a gift like when i loaned my mom the extra $500 for her new car. She has done so much for me over the years even though it was hard to afford giving her the money DH and I saw no reason to have her pay it back. If I want money i loan someone back i say "I need you to repay me by next payday", or "I really cant afford to do this right now so i need it back asap".

My Uncle and his wife lived in Germany for the past 30 something years. My Sophomore year of college he mentioned to my Aunt (not his wife) that he would like me to visit them during the summer. My Aunt told my mom who told me. Both my mom and I were very excited about it but my Aunt told my Uncle i couldnt go. HELLO? who is she to give me permission to go or not and since she said that i couldnt go the offer had been recinded. The reason my Aunt gave was my mom would have to find a sitter during the summer for my sister instead of relying on me. My mom even said she had found a sitter but then it was too late.

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 10:11am
Isn't it funny how we never grow up in our families eyes. I'm sure your aunt just thought of you as a girl and your dad still responsible for your actions. We have heard similair stories here at Family Matters before. Different circumstances but always the same treatment my our families. Of course, as I get older, I see how easy it is to let that happen. I run into my cousin and talk about her kids. I'm thinking of three kids that I had a horrible time controling when I babysat for her but she is talking about a daughter in college planning on med school, a sone who will be attanding college on a football ride and a mature high schooler with one of the top GPAs. So I see how easy it is for my aunts and grandmother to remember me as a kid that was always one step ahead of trouble, when in reality I am a maried mother of three children who is doing a pretty good job (if I do say so myself). I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

It is good that your aunt is paid back and that you will soon be able to pay back your father. I also pray that your mother will find strength and comfort during her battle.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 9:47am
This might not work or maybe you already tried it, but I'd go (alone or with your husband)over to the aunt's house and tell her that you've heard via Dad that she is expecting to pay the money back to the family. Don't make a big fuss even though it was a gift it sounds like, from your grandma. Anyway I would try to be the bigger person here and tell aunt straight out that you're adult and so's your husband and what payment terms will please THE FAMILY. Not what will please her. Cuz from the sound of it the money is not going to her but the whole family, right? Good luck, Rhiannon