I am new....... but I need Advice

Avatar for sweetbeckah
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I am new....... but I need Advice
2
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 9:30am
My best friend and I have known each other for the last 4 years. Well when he went away to school he met new people and so did I. Now things are weird. He dropped out of school after one semester. We had some problems concerning my ex and we prevailed. Now, his one friend is this girl who is totally running his life. She had it to where he bought her dad's old car. the car is falling apart and he almost killed us in it. I usually only see him 3 times a week and the other 4 days he is with her. But this week I didnt see him on Sunday then on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Last night and then tonight too i will see him. I am rather confused on why he is around me so much. But on Tuesday and Wednesday he was acting like a smart ass so I eventually blew up on him. He is my last connection to high school. He is very gullible and will believe anything you tell him. Whereas i was raised to be independent. Also he is gay. But I dont know whether to ask him what happened to the witch or not. Last Weekend we went to a wedding for his former job (now he works for the witch's mom) He had asked me over her because of the people that were going to be there. The witch had called and asked him what he was doing that night. He goes remember I have that wedding to go to with Beck. Is that ok? Like he was asking her for permission. What should I do...... Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 1:45pm
I think that your best friend is probably going to hang out with her until she does something that will make him think twice. Sometimes you can tell someone over and over that the relationship is harmful and they will not listen. I know you don't want to see him do these bad things and see him hang out with someone who is possibly influencing bad behavior. He will probably just have to ride it out.

Perhaps the other girl is just giving him attention. It may be negative attention but maybe its enough for him to feel that his destructive behavior is ok. I think its almost a game of tug o war. You are pulling on one side and she is pulling the other.

You can still be his friend. I can tell you really care about him and you want to see him to do better. However, just continue to be a good friend to him. Give him a lot of positive attention. It really sucks having no control over the bad things that are happening. He really does have to figure it out for himself. Eventually he will get tired of her behavior and he will probably come to you when it happens. Just be a positive influence for him and be there for him. Try not to expect too much from him right now either or else you will end up getting hurt. Its not that he's a bad person, he just is a little cloudy right now. If he starts treating you badly a lot of the time you are together, try to avoid him for a while. Don't let yourself get burned in the process of him making his own mistakes.

*hugz* hope that you have a good day and better luck with whats going on. it may be hard but if you need to talk more you can.

Liz

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 11:34pm
OK, he's gay, he's your friend, he also has a witch as a friend. That's OK, since you're not in a relationship with him, you sound like he should ONLY have one friend. YOU.

I'm married, and I still have friends from high school. That's 30yrs. ago. They have friends who are NOT my friend. My friends do stuff that I don't approve of, and I do stuff that they don't approve also. That's why we have remained friends all those years, because they come 'in between'. True friends don't control the other. Maybe give advice when they asked for one, but there are no strings attached.

If he sounds like he's asking her permission, maybe they're CLOSER than you to him. Will you be jealous if they're in a relationship, and just telling you he's gay when he isn't?