I can't be happy until she is...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
I can't be happy until she is...
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 9:42am
I'm not sure how to even start this. My best friend's 22 years old, who's literally like a sister to me, has always had just a terrible life. Her mom died when she was six from cancer, her dad's an abusive alcoholic who used to beat her and her older brother, and since than she's just been cursed with bad luck. Her brother's best friend who was like a brother to her died when she was 13, he was 19. Then her brother was ran over and got
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:10am
You need to seek a counselor that can help you sort through your normal feelings. It's hard to stand back and watch the people we love suffer and the hopeless feeling will bring us down if we let it. You can't let this ruin what you have because you have to be strong for her. You can't pull her out if the ashes of her life but you can be there when she needs you.

Seek someone to talk to who will help you understand how to help her but keep you healthy in the process. Kudos for being the best friend we're all looking for.

Much respect,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:23am

I'm sorry your friend has had such sadness and bad luck in her life.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 8:37am


Everyone here is correct when they say YOU need to seek help.

You are suffering something called "emeshment." In other words, you don't know where you end and your friend starts. It's like you are trying to live her life or you are occupying her brain and body and experiencing everything with her.

It's OK to feel sad for her and to hurt for her. It's NOT OK to try to "be" her. That's why YOU need help.

Your friend's life experiences have shaped her and her choices. There's a reason she chooses "bad men" and it's not solely because her father beat her but it has a lot to do with it. SHE needs to get help to understand she CAN make better choices and live her life despite her losses and challenges.

Get help for yourself ASAP. When you do you'll be in a much better position to see how best to help your friend. And, it's NOT trying to live her life.