I could not believe she is like that...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2013
I could not believe she is like that...
Mon, 11-18-2013 - 10:15pm

In the house we have a situation because my dad is under some medical treatment (radiotherapy) since one month ago. He has been receiving radiotherapy each day on his neck. The thing is that my dad is a doctor and you know what people say, doctors make the worst patients and that is true, and even more if they are men. My dad is that kind of patient. After the radiotherapy my dad returns to home. Due to this treatment, my dad has been so s o depressed and it is natural, he is down, he does  not like to speak. He just want this thing to get over with, not only cause he is tired already but because due to this treatment for one month he has not been sleeping well.  My dad is the kind of guy who sees negativity in everything and he believes he is not going to get through this, he has little faith, so we have to have a lot of patience with him now. Due to the tumor he has on his neck, and the radiotherapy is aimed at the neck some  painful mouth ulcers and lesions were developed so cause of that, the pain has been excruciating for him that he can even drink water  much less eat anything therefore he had to be fed by some feeding tube through the nose only serum and ENSURE so imagine this thing had made my dad more sensitive, more depressed he wans to this thing to be over with. But until his lesions heal he has to keep feeding by the tube. My dad is also very stubborn person.

We are 4 siblings My younger brother and myself are single and we live at home with my parents. My older sister is  married and we have another younger sister but she does not live with us. She was lets say a result of an infidelity my dad had many many years ago. Her mom alread passed away several years ago. She has friends and other relatives from her mom side, she lives in the house she use to live with her mom, she does not live with us but my dad support her financially cause she does not work. Me and my older sister work. My younger brother does not work, he works lets say as dental technician so if he is called by some dentist for a job he does it and receives money from it but hiis job is not stable. My younger sister the one who lives apart as far as I know she does not work. My mom works also at the local municipality and even though she earns money my mom most of the time ends up asking my dad for money for house expenses but sat some tiems she uses her money for the house.

The thing is that now that my dad is under this condition there has been many expenses, buying medications, special meal, the serum, etc. I have gne my mom some money for expenses not a lot but some, I thing my older sister has givine money too  ( I dont know how much) and my brother alos even if his job it is not stable. My brother has been the one who since my dad started this treatment , with the responsability of my dad, taking him to the radiotherapy sessions, taking him to doctors appointments, also  he had to learn how to feed my dad thru the feeding tube and has taught me and my sisters how to do it, in case he cand and alos to lrelieve his responsability  a little so  he can relax cause my brother had been tired , as my brotehr schedule is more flexible cause my older sister and I work everyday and we have a work schedule to follow.

Today I found out that my younger sister (the one who does not live at home) came to the house to stay with my dad and also help my brother a lttiel with the feeding schedule my dad needs to follow, well my brother told me this nite that our sister complained that my dad ran out of hygiene tissues and also he ran out of cream that needs to be bought. My brother answered him well, I know, is as simple as go t buy the tissues and the cream is a special cream given only by the radiotherapy center and it will be given tomorrow so we have to wait in the meantime. Bu my sister sounded all nagging and complained about it. My brother told me and my older sister that the other sister  do not seem to help  by cooperating with money to buy things, and she has money, the money that my dad gives her to support her., she does faces when she heard things need to be bought but instead she nags and complains.  Like today she compalin there was no tissue but she did not have the initiative to go by herself and spend her money on it instead she complained to us like held us responsible cause there was no tissue or cream. Like I said hse does not work but my dad supports her and she is n ot 18yrs anymore. I dont know the reason why she des not look for a job or what is she waiting for or why she cant find a job. It is somethign I always ask myself. Instead she is happy  by dad supporting her and ask him for money for this for home maintenance, to pay  the utilities, etc etc

I mean is not that we h ate her  adn we have shared lunches, parties and family gatheringsfor many years, but it is her attitude that really pisses us off. I mnean she complains and she has not given  one dime to help while my dad has been like this, but instead she enjoys that we invite her for lunches, gatherings, etc.

 I cant believe she was like that, so lazy and stingy in pitching in but inbstead she liikes received the money from my dad for her house expenses.  My sister is single

Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 12:07pm

I feel badly for your half sister. You seem to think she has some privileged life in her deceased mom's house after being fathered through an affair. I just don't believe that your half sister has been treated like you and your other siblings growing up--you can't honestly think that your father has been a part of her life as much as he seems to have been a part of yours, right? Why should she be expected to care and contribute as much to some guy that illegitimately "fathered" her? Your dad didn't marry her mom, and he likely wasn't really as much of a father to her as you and your other full blood siblings. Giving her money since her mom has died isn't the same as being a good loving parent, and just as he's paid for utilities, he paid for utilities for you and your siblings, too--you didn't pay the electricity bills while living with your parents, did you?

I know you probably don't want to hear this from a stranger, but your dad seems like a jerk. I'm not sure why any of you are so concerned about him. He cheats on your mom, and then you all focus your anger on your half sister who didn't have a choice in the matter. You yourself admit that he's not a happy patient and seems ungrateful for the medical assistance anyone is providing. Being a man and a doctor doesn't excuse anyone from gratitude.

In any case, stop expecting your half sister to contribute financially. Be grateful that she's helping with feedings.


Clinical Research Associate


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 12-06-2013 - 8:45pm

I assume you are talking about your half sister.IMPO, in a way that sister must have felt rejected because of the way she was brought to life.Knowing that your dad already had a family when she was conceived, is not a thing easy to overcome. Probably her complains are because she wants to see that her father has everything he needs. Probably she doesn´t want to intervenge because she is afraid you might take it the wrong way, or probably she isn´t awear that she can by something for him. Instead of assuming that her complains and faces are about what you think...Why don´t you ask her straight for her finantial help? If she refuses then you can be sure she is the way you think.

Just my sense of it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2013
Fri, 12-27-2013 - 4:56pm

My half sister does not live with us cause she lives in the house she used to share with her  mom. She has relatives from her mom side and friends who she also spend time with. She visit the house on soem family gatherings and she is always invited., My dad supports her financially, as as far as I know she does not work, and she is 30yrs old. SHe also do not study.   I dont know fi she worked as a masseuse from a time but not anymore. I really do not know what she does for a living now, I just know my dad keeps supporting her financially. She has been welcome to the family for some years now, so she is not neglected anymore sort of saying. While her mom was alive we never knew her and my mom obviously did not want to meet her as she was a reminder of my dad infidelity. But the time went by and now she is accepted.

She is not the only kid of my father who wants him to have everything he  needs of coursenot, but she is like bossy  and complains when she is in the house, and she may believe we are not doing the right thing for my dad  and maybe she believes that what she does is the best thing. That is what pis** my mom off.