I divorced my family

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2012
I divorced my family
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 2:44pm

Hi I am new here.... Today I divorced the last member of my family which whom I maintained contact. i just refuse totake any of the abuse and I need to let go of them. I just feel so lonely but it kind of beats the alternative.

My father was always verbally and physically abusive to my mother, however she is the worst of the 2 of them, because as much as he was abusive she is a sociopath. they are both messed up. Anyway, my dad was never that bad with me. Until he remarry and his new wife started abusing my sisters and me. My sisters are all dysfunctional. 2 of them are very bad alcoholics. I cannot be close to them as I have issues with alcohol, but I am sober now. I am functional, financially independent and normal. My main issue in life is that I have a hard time opening to people maybe because of my mother's emotional abuse. I am convinced she is a sociopath; she is unable to feel human emotion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 2:58pm

Hi Mayita and welcome to the board!

After reading your post, I don't blame you in the least for being frustrated.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 8:41am

I am so sorry that you are having these issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 8:18am

I think you're wise to take a break from your family, at the very least.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 1:50am

Hi, I feel for you. Don´t feel guilty you have to fight for you sanity and peace of mind and sometimes that means to cut some relationships.

Probably with time, you can share small amounts of time with some of them.

I have had problems like yours and a therapist has shown me how to relate with some relatives in a way that works. For example with a woman in my family. I know I can´t go to her place, nor she can come to mine. We can only have a meal once in a while if we go to a restaurant and I take my car and she takes hers. I feel free to leave anytime I want, and she also realizes she can´t be abusive, because I can leave any time.

But if I put myself in a position where she has more power, then she abuses. I only do this because she is a very important member of my family, and children I love are involved.

It´s sad but that´s the only way we can relate.

Probably you can find ways like that. With abusive people you can never put yourself in a position where they can abuse. But probably

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 3:27pm

Family or not you can't allow anyone to abuse you. You made the decision that was best for your sanity and well being. We don't choose our family members but we can choose what type of relationship or non relationship we have with them. It sounds like you came from a very dysfunnctional family and it had to have left you with emotional scars. Please get into some therapy and get help for yourself to help you through what has to be a difficult time. Deciding to isolate yourself from your family no matter how dysfunctional and abusive they are is not an easy thing to do and it is a loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 3:50am
Inhale deeply, hold it and let it out slowly. Trust your judgment and the decision you've made, your soul is wise and has informed you that is time to rest. It's what's best for you now. Try meditation and you'll find a safe place.

Leave your options open. If any family members come to you, they should only be allowed to do so respectfully. They will be fine as well in their own time, who knows, it might even bring you together again.

Take care of yourself.