i feel crap need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2003
i feel crap need to vent
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 10:01pm
my sister hates me for what i have done and is no longer talking to me. i cant stop crying but i'm sure i did the right thing, what do you think? heres the story:

ever since i was a little girl (i'm 18 now) me and my sister were sexually and physically abused by my father. two years ago, my sister got the courage up to tell the police and my dad went to prison. my family got on with our lives, my sister loved her new found freedom and went out while me and my mum looked after her little boy. she met a man and within a few weeks of knowing him she became pregnant. Bella was born in feb 2002, sarah (my sister) ended the relationship with Bella's father and soon found another man called Tony. Tony became obsessed with Bella and for a while he was obsessed with Nick (my sisters son). i was upset at him because i had practically brought Nick Bella up since she was born, since my sister lost interest in both her kids. in september 2002 sarah got pregnant by Tony, and in June she Gave birth to Jessica. when i go round my sisters house, if i am alone with Tony, he keeps telling me i'm beautiful and he keeps trying to touch my breasts and between my legs. it really upsets me but i was too scared to tell anyone. in front of my sister he makes fun of me and she laughs at him, which is really hurtful. anyway, now Jessica is there, Tony has started to hit the other two, and hard he pulled Bellas leg so hard that she got a green stick fracture and then tryed to say she got it when i babysat her!!!!!! and he hit nick, who is only 7 so hard in the face, he made his nose bleed and he had a red mark there for ages. my sister does nothing about it, another thing is, when i was baby sitting, i was cahnging Bella's nappy (diaper) and she started playing with her bits, i thought nothing of it until she started saying "tickle tickle" and then tryed to get me to tickle it.i told my sister this but again she just ignored me, so i rang social services and told them. it turns out that Tony has been to prison for having sex with his ex girlfriends daughter, my sister knew this and she still let him alone with her kids! my sister now hates me and send me a really abusive email, i cant see the kids now, which is killing me, i feel like nick and bella are mine, i know i shouldnt feel like that but i have looked after them since they were babies.

sorry this is so long, i just needed to get it off my chest

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 11:06pm
Stop what you're doing and go to talk to someone about what you just told us. Forward your email to child services, or to your local police. But you have to be ready and strong enough to testify. You're gonna lose your sister, for telling the truth. She's gonna lose her kids too, unless she takes them to safety. Tony, like your dad, is a repeat offender. If what you're telling us is true, please get them some help. Those kids are now ruined! But they can be saved, it's not TOO LATE.

But it's better you lose a sister than continue to let those kids sexually abused by the man who have done this before. Please hurry and come back and let us know what happened.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sun, 11-30-2003 - 9:40am
I can understand that u feel a special bond w/ them and that ur sis might not let u see the kids now, but I still think u did the RIGHT THING totally!!!!!! Ppl like Tony should be put away forever in my opinion but I am actually really scared he will be out in no time :-( I hope not tho!!!! I hope for the best 4 u all and eventually ur sis will see that u did the right thing and forgive u I hope. If she doesnt then she has bigger probs than it even sounds! I think that is SO sad that history repeated itself w/ ur sis and then her kids :-( Good luck and congrats on doing something that takes a lot of guts to do on behalf of the kids! Hugs, Rhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 1:07pm

First off, you have every right to turn this guy in based on what you already know. If you inquired at Social Services about this guys past then you should follow up with them and tell them just what you have told us, and tell them you want them to investigate this matter. Children cannot protect themselves, so you must protect these children as it seems their mother is not willing to for whatever reason. If this pedophile has violated them already, then they need to be taken away from this environment or they need to have the violater removed. And the children need to get help. I know it is hurting you to have your sister upset with you, but think of the children. Your sister will probably come around sooner or later and realize you did the right thing, but even if she doesn't, know you did by getting this investigated. The children deserve to be in a safe environment.

As a victim/survivor of abuse yourself you know firsthand what these children are going through and what may be yet to come if this monster isn't stopped. Don't beat yourself up about this, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!!



TTC since 2007, IUI #1 April 2010 BFN, IUI#2 May 2010 BFN

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 5:18pm
The children's welfare is the #1 priority here. You did the right thing. Unfortunately your sister is not putting her own children's welfare above all else, but then that is typical of her. As for what you should do now, keep any and all emails or letters she sends you, and pass a copy on to Child Services for the file. They may be needed in the future if you have to prove something in court. In the mean time, since your sister wont talk to you, ask your mom to talk to her and encourage her to get some help - I'm sure the abuse by your father has affected her and may be part of the reason she is the way she is. If she can get some help and work through her issues, then maybe she can turn things around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 4:38pm
CALL THE POLICE NOW! He is abusing them, and he must be stopped. Call child services immediately and tell them what is happening. That is disgusting and WRONG! He is a pedifile and an abuser. He shouldnt be allowed to do this! Tell your sister that unless she wants to see her children grow up into happy, healthy, stable adults she needs to get rid of this guy NOW!