I feel I am a bad daughter, Am I?

Avatar for rainita2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I feel I am a bad daughter, Am I?
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 11:57am

My mom I guess expected support from me and I did not give to her the way she may have expected, she got support from my other sister though since she went through a similar experience. My mom is 73 yrs old and today, she went under the knife to get plastic surgery, not very invasive though, a bit on the neck and the cheeks, not on the eyes though, still it is a risky operation from a woman in her age. Just 1 month and a half ago, my mom went thru the knife again but that time was to operate her hammer toe she has had for years and it was already unbearable for her to walk, so she got that surgery and thankfully her feet is recuperating. But she back then she already had in mind to get that plastic surgery, she even believed she could get the 2 operations at the same time. My dad and I disagree on that completely how my mom believed she could have the 2 operations at the same time, 2 different kinds of risks and she is not a young person anymore.

At the end my mom did not had the 2 surgeries at the same time of course, but she always had in mind the plastic surgery. I thought she forgot that idea and so does my dad, but no, she insisted on having the surgery once her one feet was better and she was able at least walk. My dad is a doctor, so he knew what he was talking about. My mom even went behind my dad, because she knew my dad was against her having the surgery, she wanted to have, because all the doctors appointments she had with the surgeon to check her case, she did it in secret, she never told my dad about them. My dad eventually found it out but like days later. Then last week my dad told me: Your mom surgery is already scheduled for this week, and there was nothing I could do, she got away with it. Since I never agreed on her having this kind of surgery because it was just for vanity and also because at her age it was too risky to get operated, I stay out of all the conversation that spell the name surgery and never gave her my opinion about it, I never gave her the support she may be expecting from one her daughters, I simply was against her having this surgery and so does my dad..

On the contrary my sister told me I was in denial and I should express my feelings and wish her well and support her I mean the fact I was against the surgery does nto mean I did not wish her well, of course I do, but I was against with it period. My sister supported her because like I said she went thru a similar experience 3 yrs ago when she had her boobs done, I also was against it, but she was grown up married lady but I was against that period and I was in the same situation as I am now, I was like isolated from that until I step by step come into terms with reality. Of course my sister did her surgery for the same reason my mom will do hers: vanity. Also my dad did not want my mom to have her surgery because my mom will be soon elected for some local elections at the local municipality, and the elections are just one week away, and my dad said: it was too soon since the elections are coming up, and she wont be able to go out she be all bruised up in her face and with bandages, u wont be able to vote and do local stuff election days, my mom still wanted to have her surgery. I feel like a bad daughter because I did not support my mom on this, I did not feel happy about the situation to be honest, my dad was also against it and he even ask her why she could not have it next year, when she was fully recovered from her toe and all the holiday festivities and stress will pass, but no she did not want that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 12:44pm

You're not a bad daughter. In fact you're a very GOOD one. You told your mom of the risks involved, but she didn't listen. Your sister is being her biggest cheerleader, because she lacks sense just like your mother (I'm not a big fan of plastic surgery either). You have every right to stick to your guns and handle things the way you want.

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