I found my half-sister online - should I contact her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
I found my half-sister online - should I contact her?
8
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 2:30pm

Not sure where this topic goes, but anyway...

When my dad was 18, he and his GF got pregnant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

I would ask your Dad what to do.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Huh. I never thought of asking my dad. Not sure if I can do that. It's not something we talk about at all, except for that one night he came home drunk on Christmas Eve and told us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I don't know what to advise you... but wanted to say that she may have alot of anger towards your father, so be prepared for that...

I have a friend who found out her married father had a baby when she was a teenager, and it was kept a secret for the next 20 years. She refuses to meet him. So... you never know how it will work out. I wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2001

I just wanted to add another point of view. She may not know about you. You mention that the Ex continued to contact your dad and kept him updated but do you know if your half sister knows about him? Or that she has other siblings? Contacting her may open a can of worms she is not aware of. I agree with the others who mentioned talking to your dad. Even if you don't talk about it you might mention to him that you are curious about your half sister and would like to meet her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010

I think that speaking to your Dad is a good idea before you do anything. One of my closest friends was in a similar position but her half sister was born out of an affair. She also found her on facebook, met with her and now they are in touch all the time, she even comes over for dinner sometimes. But in her case her father was in touch with her half sister the whole time so that's the difference. I think you and your sisters should meet her but speak to your father first. I mean you don't even have to ask him for permission but just let him know that you will contact her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005

My mom's paternial side of the family sound much like your story. First off I would say yes to contacting her. I think it's great that you found her.

My mom grew up not knowing her dad's side of the family. My grandmother spilt with her when she was between 18 & 20 months old. She knew she had 5 older half sibling {4 brothers & 1 sister} she lived with my grandmother who remarried & had 4 more children. Mom always wanted to find her dad & siblings. We lived in a small town in the south eastern corner of WA state. {my mom was born & passed away in Seattle} we kinda knew they may be in the Seattle/Tacoma area & that's all we knew. My mom would never actively search for them because my grandmother would of felt that she was turning her back on grandma. My mom & grandmother both passed away in a 11 month period of time {96 & 97} in March of 2005 I did a google search on my mom's name just goofing off & found a family history board with a posting looking for my mom/grandmother. I knew from what was on the board that it was someone in the family. I answered it & found my aunt's son {my cousin} I got to meet both of the surviving 2 uncles & out of the 17 cousins I meet 13 of them. I have done alot with this side of the family. I wasn't sure how my mom's youngest surviving sister was going to take knowing that I had found my grandfather side of the family {her dad had died when she was 2 & my grandmother had cut his family off from the kids after he died} turns out she had found her dad's side of the family a couple of yrs earlier. So she was pretty cool with it. I'm loving the new/extra family. I've done trips with serveal of them & have a great time.

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007

Yes, I do realize it could be opening a can of worms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Make sure your motives to meet her are pure. Your father was an alcoholic and you seem to have some resentment towards him (understandably) but make sure you don't meet her and tell her things that might disrupt her life too much. For example how would you feel (hypothetically) if she didn't know (first blow) and then you let her know what type of father he was (2nd blow). This might change the course of her life and are you truly prepared to risk that?? Maybe she's better off not knowing????

San