I have an evil stepmother!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
I have an evil stepmother!
4
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 3:34am
I am 23 and I have been living in hell for 17 years. My stepmother was diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) 5 years ago and is on medication. The problem is her and my father have an 8 year old daughter together and I hardley ever see my father because he is so busy. When I do want to see him (or if he has time) my stepmother always butts in and tries to find ways around me spending time with him. For example last week my dad asked me if I wanted to go fishing with him and my step-brother (her son) and she says "no honey don't take her because it will upset Riley (my little sister)" Well, Riley can't go because she has school. Every time I have ever asked to go or he invites me she always finds a way to scare him out of it. She is a control freak and controls my father all the time (my father has no balls of his own by the way which is another problem I am having). Also, when I lived in their house she made me sleep on the floor because she has 2 boys of her own (which shared a room and were only there part time) and her little girl who has her very own room. She made me sleep in the boys room on the floor! And my father never had a say in anything! I (thank God ) don't live there anymore and I am out I my own. I moved out 4 months ago and my father and stepmother haven't even invited me over for dinner one time! What is wrong with this picture?? I have always disliked my stepmother because she has always treated me unfairly and has always put her kids first and I am always last. I have tried to talk with her about it but she flips out! I have caught her in so many lies! AAAAGHHH! I can't stand her and I don't know what to do! should I just ignore my father for putting up with her crap and allowing her to treat me the way she does?


please advise would be nice!!!

nicky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 3:37pm
It made me angry just reading your post. What a horrible witch your s-mom is! OCD or not, she didn't make her own kids sleep on the floor did she? And your dad, what a spineless twit. If he were any kind of human being he would have insisted on taking you fishing regardless of what that thing said. I say don't even try to have a relationship with that woman, she is a waste of skin. Let your dad know in plain terms---if he wants to see you he has to make the effort to do things one-on-one with you whether his wife approves of it or not. I would send him a letter to his workplace (so you know he will actually read it). Mark it confidential to his attention, or leave it on his car windshield where he works. Say in it: 'Dad If you want a relationship with me your daughter, it will have to come from your end because you wife does everything in her power to cut me out. If you can make the effort to see me and spend time with me, father to daughter, then please call me and lets arrange some time together. I will wait for your call, Love X.' If you don't hear from him than he is a poor human being and you are better off on your own, tough as that may be. It will be easier in the long run than getting your self esteem and heart stomped on continually by these people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 5:38pm
Oh my god - sweetie I am sooooo sorry you had to endure all that. Lets hope a meteor falls on her head! What she has done/is doing to you can constitute as neglect. She is also keeping you from a relationship with your own father, which is completely selfish. Whatever her deal is, you need to speak to your father in such a way that she cannot interfere. It may not be possible (since she has him on a choke collar) but you need to try and explain to him that she is manipulating him and what she is doing is wrong. Maybe in order to keep her from blowing up he has to appease her and thats why he does these things. But that is in no way justification for anything. You were his daughter before he even met her. You should be the #1 prority in his life. I say break ties with her and focus only on your siblings and father.

And the fact she spoils her kids like they are royalty makes me so mad - youre not chopped liver! Just because you didnt come from her woumb doesnt make you any less of a person! Your father needs to come to some kind of happy medium with you and her, and make it clear that what you two do with daddy-daughter time is ya'lls business. I agree with novembersky in that maybe you should leave him a note at work or on his car - that sounds like a good idea. Good luck darlin!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 2:44am
Thanks you guys,

I appreciate your support. I have tried writing him e-mails explaining to him how I feel but he has not changed at all. I sent him a long e-mail about a month ago and he told me that he cried when he read it and took me out to lunch once after that. I only see him while he is working but never when his wife is around. The whole situation has made me depressed because I know I am not his #1 priority in life.... his wife is. My mother lives in another state and her and I aren't very close either and I feel so lonely all the time. I have a boyfriend and friends and I am very busy but I want to be more family oriented and it seems like its impossible because of her. I know this is bad but since I was little I never liked her and I always wished my father never married her. She has bad spending habits and my Dad brings home the only source of income and she spends it all on herself and my 1/2 sister and then when I ask my Dad to help me with tuition for school he stresses out because he doesn't have the money! Even one of her friends stopped talking to her a few years back because she saw the way she was treating me. I just wish my father would grow some balls and step up to her once in a while instead of being an apprehensive baby.

thanks again guys :~)

nicky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 10:32am
Hi Nicky. I found that one of the hardest things to do in life is to accept that we are never going to have the kind of relationship that we crave with certain relatives. Realizing that they just don't have that kind of personality, or emotional depth, or backbone, is difficult. Knowing that we will have to find our happiness and security elsewhere is a big step. Sometimes I think of little Dr. Ruth---her entire family was killed in the Holocaust, and she came to America at 16 years old, totally alone in the world. Yet she made a life for herself and surrounded herself with friends, and created her own family. Sometimes we may as well be orphans even if we have living relatives, and we have to invent our own life for ourselves, hard as that may be.