Is there some way you can be supportive without being phsycially there too much?
I think this is just something you have to accept.
I know that you want to be able to connect with your parent, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. It bites the hiney, but unfortunately it is as it is. Most especially if the distance is reinforced with a conflict of perspectives.
I wouldn't tell them how much time you spend with the inlaws. I would refrain from telling too many stories about them or mention them if they go on vacation with you and DH. I know a lot of people who "have to" do this, because their own family lays on the guilt if they spend one more holiday with the inlaws then with them.