I need your help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
I need your help
8
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 12:25pm
I haven't spoken to my half brother in many years. This past week he has been on my mind. I have his phone number, etc. But I don't have the courage to pick up the phone and call. I feel like a part of me is missing without this relationship in my life. Any adivce would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: pst389
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 5:29pm
Why are you reluctant to call him? Did you two have a fight and you think he might still be mad at you? If there's really nothing holding you back, then what have you got to lose? If your relationship with him makes you happy, then where's the anxiety coming from? I don't quite understand.... could you broaden your explanation please?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
In reply to: pst389
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 9:01am
More info is needed, I agree. I have a little history with this situation myself - with both a half-brother and a step-brother - but different reasons for the lack of communication, and different solutions to deal with it. All I could do is offer "what if's" and guess what each situation might be for you, and I could write a novel.

My half-brother and I are 15 years apart in age, so he was nearly grown when I was born. Add to that my parents' divorce, then a new step-mother who refused all contact with my half-siblings, and my half-brother didn't want to subject his wife and children to my step-mother's rantings - so communication ceased. By the time I was grown and on my own, I didn't even know him. We've been in contact recently, but mostly iniated by my other siblings. It's not that I don't care about him nor want a relationship with him; I just don't KNOW him and never did.

My step-brother raped me when I was 13 and he was 21, but I never reported it (step-mom would have blamed me). (It was not forcible, and I hold no resentment toward him.) Anyway, he disappeared - truly a missing person. I've learned since that he joined the military, put himself through medical school, and now works with mentally-ill children. He cut off all ties with family because of his mother's abuse, and perhaps a little fear of what happened with me. I left it and him alone. Fast-forward 30 years, and I had a family responsibility to find him - it was sooooo easy, thanks to the internet and the AMA's registry of physicians. It was a good conversation and my apprehensions about contacting him were groundless.

All I can offer for advice without knowing WHY you and your brother haven't spoken, is to say that you'll never have resolution to this situation until you call him. If you DO call him, you'll find your answers. Maybe good, maybe bad, but at least you'll know and can move on. Don't call and you'll forever wonder what might have been.

How about sending him a letter? You have his phone number, and could probably get a reverse listing from 411-Information that would provide his address.

Anyways, a little more info about your situation would help...

Misfit

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
In reply to: pst389
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 12:33pm
I'll try to make this short. My dad was married before my mom and his first wife got the kids and moved away to another state. I don't know the whole story of what happened between them. Anyway I knew of them and had seen baby pictures of them. As I got older I wanted to know more about them. So I located the oldest one my senior year in high school (93) and as luck would have it, the oldest son was looking for his dad. So on my dad's birthday he called and talked to his oldest son, my dad cried (the first time I had ever seen this man cry). Over the years they would talk off and on and my parents would send gifts to the grandkids. The other two sons didn't want to talk to my dad at all. My dad would never talked to me about any of this. He would get mad. When my daughter was born (95) the oldest son called me at the hospital and sent a baby gift. We exchanged X-mas cards over the years but never communicted by phone. I have sent cards, letters, etc over the years wanting to build a relationship not only with him but also my two other half brothers. No response was ever gotton.

I know that my mom say's there is a lot of hurt and anger between them all. But, my thing is I didn't cause that. That is between them and my dad. I don't have a close relationship with my dad and don't know if I ever will.

All I want is to have a brother/sister relationship with all three of them and get to know them and their families. I guess what is holding me back is "REJECTION" from them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
In reply to: pst389
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 12:42pm
You should call him. It'll be such a relief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: pst389
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 2:10pm
Make it clear that what happened between them and your father has nothing to do with you. Continue your communication with them. Let them know you want them to be in your life as your family. Maybe by making that step you can feel whole, knowing that you have this wonderful "new" family to love and spend time with/getting to know. I think thats a wonderful idea, especailly with holidays coming up. Good luck! -RLP
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: pst389
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 3:37pm
GRAB THAT PHONE, SIT DOWN, AND DIAL HIS NUMBER.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
In reply to: pst389
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 9:21am
I am going to call tonight. I will let you know what happens. Thanks for the advice.

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: pst389
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 4:14pm

Did you call???


What happen??


Melissa