I think my friend spiked my drink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2013
I think my friend spiked my drink
12
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 8:24pm

I'll try and keep it short and am very grateful for any help. I was friends with this guy for a couple of years, saw him every few months as I did not live where he did. He started getting more and more clingy and weird- very jealous about other people I spent time with. I made it very clear to him that I didn't want a relationship and he said he understood that. There are a number of things he did which made me feel very uneasy so I started seeing/interacting with him less. The last time I saw him I had a couple of drinks- he bought the last one. Within about ten minutes I started to feel dizzy- I said I needed to go (which I did as I had to catch a train)...he made lots of references for me to stay with him, that he wouldn't "try anything" but I insisted that I had to go. As I walked to the station I started to feel more and more weird, couldn't hold my head up, legs felt like concrete and it was a real battle just to walk to the train. Once in my seat I couldn't keep my head up and it dropped, hitting the table in front of me and I blacked out. There was a loud noise some time later and I woke up and was instantly sick. I tried to walk to the toilet but kept swaying from side to side. When I eventually got to the toilet door I tried several times to grab the handle and kept missing. In the end I fell to the floor and fell asleep again (but it felt like blacking out not drifting off)...someone woke me some time later as I was on the floor..they asked if I was ok and I couldn't speak, couldn't get my words out and just put my head back down. I was sick a few times while all this went on. When the train got me home about 3.5 hours later I felt relatively normal as I got into my lift's car. I still felt weird but not at all dizzy or feeling particularly sick. When I got home I realised that I had wet myself. I have never ever reacted like this in my life...and I'm in my late 20s, I'm familiar with my limits and in this case I did not have enough to drink to feel drunk let alone like this. I didn't know what to do for a while as I didn't know what to think. Do you think my drink was spiked and if so, with what? I couldn't prove that I had been spiked or that this guy even did it but I found him quite creepy and uncomfortable to be around- I changed number immediately just to avoid a conversation with him- if I accused him and he didn't do it, then what? Even if he did, I was sure he wouldn't admit it...so I just avoided speaking to him. I thought this had worked as I didn't hear from him in any way for 4 months...but just now he has found a way to contact me online and has sent me a message now saying he has tried to to text and phone me but the number won't work and how am I? I don't know what to do as when I was in touch with him before, he was very creepy, finding things out about me and my friends/family and subtly letting me know that he knew things...even saying once that he knew where my mother lived and might visit sometime?! Really odd as I was not that close with him...I feel very uneasy and don't know how to respond. I feel like he might go to greater lengths to get in touch with me and find it weird that he has waited this long to say he can't get through- he was very obsessive before and angry if I didn't reply right away. Any advise would be much appreciated- I felt so relived when I changed my number as he had been creeping me out for so long that I didn't know how I'd ever get rid of him, I thought I had.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-1997
Sat, 04-20-2013 - 10:39am

The guy seems obsessed with you. He might have feelings for you.  That you do not have for him.  I would probably cut ties with him completely.  Do not reply to any messages he sends you online.  If it's Facebook he contacted you. Block him.  This guy is weird.  He might do things  you don't want him to do to you.  He probably did spike your drink.  Just so you'd go home with him.  He could have his way with you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-1997
Sat, 04-20-2013 - 10:39am

The guy seems obsessed with you. He might have feelings for you.  That you do not have for him.  I would probably cut ties with him completely.  Do not reply to any messages he sends you online.  If it's Facebook he contacted you. Block him.  This guy is weird.  He might do things  you don't want him to do to you.  He probably did spike your drink.  Just so you'd go home with him.  He could have his way with you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 7:52pm

Hi Blue,

I was just checking back in here to see how you were doing and I wanted to pass on a resource that may help you in how to deal with him.

http://stalkingvictims.com/

They have a community forum of people who've been stalked and I think this guy sounds a bit like someone capable of that.  They may help you deal with this from the get-go, perhaps even help you prevent him from possibly escalating his actions to stalking behavior.  They've BTDT, are very supportive, and I think will give you sound advice - the first being to TRUST YOUR GUT.

I wish you the best of luck and stay safe.

-PS

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2013
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 9:58am

Yes I think that is something I should do- I will speak to my mother tonight and let friends know not to speak to him if he gets in touch. Paradigmshifter- thanks for your clear and sensible advise, I will definitely do as you suggest. I don't know how much interest the police will take but there would at least be a log perhaps of what happened to me and I might be able to get some suggestions on how best to handle the situation. Very best wishes.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 1:58pm

As someone else mentioned, you should warn your mother that he might visit her, and anybody else  whose info he collected from you. Tell them not to let him into their homes or chat with him on the phone, and to not give him any information about you. And to let you know details of any call or visit. 

Unless they are warned they may assume that he is still a friend of yours and treat him as such.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 9:29am

You know, I kind of thought that this may be the case (you are afraid of crossing him, thus why you've not been direct). 

So I think it's safe to say that this guy is dangerous and that more serious measures need to be taken.  Call the police.  File a report.  Nothing may be done as far as investigation or charges as it's been a while and there is no evidence, but they may just be interested in what you have to say, they may be willing to take down a report for paperwork purposes and also they will listen to you when you tell them you are frightened of him.  Next, get a copy of that police report and start a file at home.  Thirdly, do not contact him.  Ask the police if there is someone you can speak to, perhaps victim services, to get you in touch with people who are familiar with criminal harassment, stalkers, and how to deal with dangerous people like him.  Get advice from them on how to deal with him as you're afraid to say the wrong thing.  Don't get advice from anyone else at this point because this guy sounds like a timebomb.  They are pros and they've studied these personalities (and/or have helped many people dealing with personalities like his) and they will know how to handle this.

Finally, treat him like a very dangerous predator.  Anyone who'd spike your drink is a real sicko.  That's really messed up especially when he wants to be your friend.  He's no friend.  He's a sexual predator that could have killed you by taking that risk.  He doesn't see you as a person or something worthy of respect like a normal person would.  He sees you as a conquest and something to abuse and own. 

Please get on this now and take your safety seriously.  I think you are in danger b/c of this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2013
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 7:40am

Thanks for all replies, I really appreciate it. It sounds stupid (as I usually think I'm quite a strong person) but I've been afraid to tell him for a long time that I don't want anything to do with him because I've had this feeling in the back of my mind that I shouldn't cross him or upset him in any way. It made me feel very weak continuing to be friends with him despite all the odd things he was doing and saying. And it has come to something like this for me to cut all ties...no I wasn't on any medication and yes I think I was spiked, I've felt nothing like that in my life...it came on so suddenly and I remember feeling very suprised at how I felt, I couldn't make sense of it. I am just so glad that I had a train to catch because if I had waited much longer, I would have been with him and completely out of it. I feel very anxious now though as I know he will get angry that I am ignoring him...I will keep firm but part of me doesn't want to reply at all, even if it is just to say "don't contact me"...I feel sick thinking about him and angry that he had the cheek to get in touch again. I have a feeling he won't stop just yet but I will have to wait and see. Thank you again for your thoughtful advise, really kind of you all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sun, 04-14-2013 - 7:41pm

Have you thought to tell him that you don't want to talk to him anymore?  I think that being firm and direct is your next approach before beginning to log the times he contacts you for possible police intervention. 

Were you on any medication at this time?  I agree that three drinks is not enough to get you to feel that way, but if you were on meds then it could be the issue.  I'm not in any way doubting you as I believe we know in our hearts the truth, but I'm just providing a second thought just in case as I imagine it feels terrible to believe you were put in such danger.

Speaking of danger, stay away from this creep.  Your intuition is SCREAMING at you and has been for a while.  If something seems not right with this guy, then something isn't right.  Do not jeopardize your safety because you don't trust your gut instinct.  Run and ask no questions, like you have.  However, I think you ought to be more direct with him the next time he tries to contact you.  If you know, and you DO know, that he did something to your drink, then you have no obligation to be nice to him.  Don't be cruel either, just direct.  A simple "Please do not contact me again." will do.  No explanations or conversation about it.  Your mind is made up and you've decided that this is best for you.  You don't need to explain it to him ad nauseum.  Cut him clean out of your life and do so in such a way that it cannot be misconstrued as you being busy, etc., etc.  Clean break.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 7:55pm

Trust your gut! In your heart you know he drugged you and that makes him a very dangerous person. Let your family and friends know what you suspect and tell them not to give him your number or any information about. If this person should ever look you up don't respond to him stay away from this person.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 04-11-2013 - 12:19pm

Have you told your mom about this guy stating he might visit her? if not, I would tell her. Anyone one he mentioned in his weird attempts at showing you he knows things about you would be someone I would contact in order to tell them about your impressions about this clingy guy. I think it's important that people know how you feel and reasons behind your feelings. I would keep a record of his strange contacts, emails, notes, text messages, etc., tell him firmly that you don't want him to contact you any longer and then change the info he's using to contact you--if he's contacting you online via email right now, close that email account after you've made copies of his obsessive messages.

He seems dangerous to me, and I don't want you to open yourself any further to unsafe conditions with him.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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