I wish I was the favorite for once!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I wish I was the favorite for once!!!
3
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 9:08am
I'm 35 and my sister is 34. I'm very jealous of the relationship my mother has with my sister. My mom does things for my sister now that she has downright refused to do for me in the past.

For example, this is how she has handled two my of situations:

My husband broke his leg about 5 years ago. At that time, we had no savings (we were young and stupid) to cover him being off work. She would not give us any money stating "you need to learn a lesson". We ended up getting free food from the food pantry for about a month until I could find a better full-time job.

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis two years ago, age 33. I was bedridden in severe pain. I was on multiple medications, including steroids. My mother said "Look, you had better get a handle on this thing because I am NOT watching your kids." I had two ages 10 and 8 at the time.

This is how she has handled my sister's most recent circumstances:

My sister is getting a divorce and needs to pay-off her husband for part of the house. My mother has already lent her a couple of thousand to help out with that - without any problems at all.

My sister getting the divorce is also having problems paying for day care expenses for her one child (age 4). My mother offered to watch the baby on her days off and help foot the bill for day care for the other days.

HOW UNFAIR IS THIS??? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! I only wish I was the favorite once in a while!!!

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 1:21am
I'm right with you. Picture this --- I'm the "Black Sheep" of my family and my husband is the "Black Sheep" of his! It doesn't get any angrier or more grudge filled than that!HAHA! So from both of us ----- WE SHARE YOUR PAIN! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 11:36pm
I'm right with ya!!! I have the same problem with my sister. My parents treat my sister MUCH better than they treat me.

For instance, my sister and I are both married. For my wedding, my parents gave me the hardest time they possibly could about EVERYTHING. From the church to what I wanted certain people to wear, it was a hard time. Then my sister gets married. When my sister got engaged, I asked my mother what she thought about my sister's plans. She told that that it was her day and it was up to her to decide! I couldn't believe it!! My mother made a comment that she learned from her mistakes with me with my wedding. At my wedding, my parents did not seem interested, etc. and rushed picture taking, etc. Wehn my sister got married, my father asked me at LEAST twice to get my pic taken with sis and her new DH. It was a BIG deal. With my wedding, my Dad wanted to "hurry up" with the family pics.

It seems like my parents do favor my sister A LOT. Even ever since we were younger, my sister was ALWAYS the favorite. It seems that she can't do anything wrong. Everything I do seems to be wrong.

I have resigned myself to the fact that it will never be "right" and my sister and I will never be close and my parents will always "favor" my sister over me.

However, I do agree with the other poster about that your sister pay "owe" your parents more for being the "favorite." Those of us that aren't favored do our things on our own without help from our parents, and therefore, we owe them NOTHING. I know my sister is always "thanking" my parents for something. Personally, I don't feel I have anything to thank them for. They did their job as parents and to me that was their obligation. They didn't pay for my college or my wedding. I have made my own way in life without them. However, for my sis they paid for her college. I don't think they paid for her wedding, though. I know she has asked for help with other things as well, so I'm sure she feels indebted to them and I sense that when we are all together. She basically brown noses them and she gets upset because I don't. Well, I don't have to because I don't "owe" them for helping me with anything.

So.....1. You don't owe your parents squat and your sister does and still will. 2. Your sister is stuck kissing their butts and you don't have to worry about doing that.

It does STINK BIG TIME that we are treated like the "black sheep" of the family, but also it is also liberating in a way, because then we "owe" our parents NOTHING. We have paved our own way and owe our parents NOTHING because we EARNED our own way and didn't have help.

BTW, I am around the same age as you.

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 4:34pm
Be careful what you wish for.

As many of the "favorites" on this board have said, it comes with a price. Not being allowed to make it on your own, always "owing" your parents, being made to feel that you can't do anything without them, wishing your parents would leave you alone and bother your sister for awhile.

Now I don't know about your whole story but you have made it on your own and you are not indebted to your parents for any of your successes. Be proud that you have done it on your own, and maybe even pity your porr sister for having your mom on her back all the time.

Melissa