I'm 35 and my mom still yells at me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I'm 35 and my mom still yells at me!!
4
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 3:52pm
My sister and her husband have had alot of problems and may divorce. They have a 3 YO daughter. My sister works 60+ hours a week and the husband works 10 to 15 hours a week so, obviously, the husband is the primary caretaker.

The husband is an alcoholic. He sits and drinks vodka most of the day, won't let the daughter take toys out of her room or watch TV outside of her room. He won't take the daughter outside. He's either drinking, smoking or sleeping all day.

Anyway, I've grown very concerned about the situation and the effect it is having on my niece. I talked to my sister-in-law about the situation and a close friend of mine wondering what to do. They are also concerned.

I told my mother today that I had talked to these two people about how concerned I was. My mother HAD A HUGE FIT. She told me that I shouldn't be talking about family matters and that my sister could lose her daughter if children's services found out about what was going on. I told her that if she felt it was that bad, then maybe children's service should take the child away.

I feel guilty because, in a sense, she's right. I shouldn't go blabbing other people's business. On the other hand, I needed to talk to someone about it or I would go crazy.

Should I have kept my mouth shut? Should I disown my family? What should I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 9:56pm
If you are concerned about your niece, than maybe you should contact social services.

As for your mom, well, if she is more concerned about "appearances" than the safety of her family, I would tell her to take a leap! Of course, in a nice way.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 11:27pm
What if you & your mom got together on this problem? Is that possible? Help is definitely needed for your sister's family. Do you have a church leader that you could go talk to? The church would be a good start for resources. Your mom was out of line, yelling at you for your concerns. She should be very concerned herself. Do you have a United Way in your area? They offer a lot of low cost counseling & other services. In a way, talking to the other women could hurt your sister. If they talk to other people, eventually this will get back to your sister. If it did, wouldn't your sister feel isolated? hurt? Would you want your sister to come to you when she gets fed up with that jerk? Some times it is better to vent to people who don't really know the person we are upset with. Does any of this make sense? Your sister needs to get out of that situation & the husband needs help. Good luck, my prayers are with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 6:59am
The only time my mother has ever voiced concern over the situation was with the comment she made to me on the phone. This has been going on for FOUR YEARS now and she has not said anything. In fact, I've said a few things to her over the years about my concerns and she has reprimanded me saying that I need to respect the way other people raise their children and keep my nose out of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 2:20pm
Wow. I don't know what to even say about this. Has your mom always been like this, communication wise, about stuff? It sounds so hard line. I feel awful that she does not want the both of you to help your sister. Was your mom raised by someone with a drinking problem? It just sounds like something she is used to. You know, comfort level wise. I will get more thoughts together. Have to go to work . Take care. Chris