i'm the bad friend and trying to keep longtime friendship

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2011
i'm the bad friend and trying to keep longtime friendship
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 12:49am

hello all

end of the year coming up and I want to get on keeping an excellent friend who i havent seen in eight years and haven't talked to in four years. She hasn't done anythingn wrong, I went through a tough time eight years ago and she was a great source of help and friendship. Once I started to feel better and things were going better, and I didn't feel depressed/anxious anymore and the meds kicked in, I felt comfortable being by myself for the first time in a year and just wanted to spend time with myself. So the next time I ended up calling her, i was having differnet problems, and once again she was a great friend and helpful. Same thing: once I feel better and things are going well, I don't do well with calling at all. Or writing. And she's sent me birthday presents and cards and I mean to get back to her but don't. So I want to get my priorities back on track and she is one of them. She had sent me a card to say sheh was thinking of me and I want to do the same in return and it's been about two months since she sent it and when I was home for Chritsmas I actually saw her across a room at an event, didn't recognize her at first, then did when I realized who was staring at me afterward but felt way too awkward to say anything. And she saw me and saw that I saw her. So now I wantn to apologize to her in a letter or card and hope that our friendship is still okay. Like I said in my letter, I need a boot in the butt every so often to get back on track and this is it. So instead of meaning to get hold of her but doing other things instead, I"m making contact. Any advice on what to say or whether you think our friendship will still be there would be great. Even if you have negative things to say about me, that's cool. It all helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

It seems like this is a really nice person and has been a

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

You need to learn how to be a friend and how to handle your own crisis situations without always

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006

Unless you are willing and able to follow up your words with action, then your apology is pointless.

Friendship is a two-way street...and although much is said about true friends "being there" for each other during the bad times, they are also there for each other to celebrate and share the good times. Frankly, it doesn't sound as though you've been there for her at all--it's all about you. You say that you need a kick in the butt to realize this and do something about it, but the truth is that if you really care for--and about someone--you don't need to be reminded.

You admit that you only contact her when you are having problems. Do you have any interest at all in what is going on in her life? Honestly, why are you so concerned about this now when you haven't been before?

On the other hand, I must admit that I am very curious as to why this person would continue to send you gifts and reach out to you after being ignored (and used) for so long. I find that a bit odd. In my world, a true friend would either speak up about being disregarded or stop reaching out altogether. It just seems that there is more to this story...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
If you are truly serious about mending fences DO NOT send a letter or a card!! Meet her face to face. She deserves you looking in her eyes and apologizing.

I question whether you are ready because you had your opportunity recently and you chose to ignore her. Don't draw her in only to ignore her...she deserves better than a half assed sttempt.

Can I recommend counseling to learn how to handle things without using people???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

As someone else remarked, I think there are factors and elements missing from your story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I don't think so. Not buying it.

You saw her Sunday and refused to speak to her? And suddenly today you want to rekindle a friendship?



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

I can't tell you how many times I have been in teh shoes of your friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2012

After everything that happened between you and your problems, it sounds like she'll always be there. She def sounds like a great friend and maybe you need to learn how to communicate better with her. Even if you write down on your calender you need to call her today or send her an email. Anything will do to let her know appericiate her.

www.findingfreedomteam.com/ KLittle