Impatient Driving Instructor Father!!!!
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|Wed, 08-27-2003 - 7:31pm|
My vent/rant/moan for you all: How do I learn to drive when I'm constantly being yelled at and berated? And everyone who knows me has known since I was a child: If you have a point to make, don't YELL it because I feel like I'm going to start bawling the second anyone yells at me or even around me--Besides, I've always been infinitely harder on myself than anyone else is on me. I KNOW when I'm doing something wrong and I feel bad enough--I don't need him pointing it out to me ad nauseum at top volume while I even more nervously drive. But no, my own father appraently doesn't understand this after the first 26 years of my life, so the entire time I'm driving--yelling and snapping.
And signaling to other drivers what I'M about to!! That was the best tonight--We're at a 4-way stop, the other driver stops and waves--I see that he's giving me the right of way, so I DRIVE FORWARD, and meanwhile, my DAD IS WAVING AT HIM TO GO TOO!!! Since when does the passenger decide for the driver????? We could have been in a collision, arghh!! :(
So, I try to "handle" it now by immeditaley saying out loud what I did wrong when I do something wrong--to beat him to the insult, basically. But no, even if I say, "Oops, should have started braking earlier." He doesn't agree and let it go, no! He yells and rants and lectures for the next 10 minutes about that very fact. Uh, duh, did I myself not say that already, Dad? And how is YELLING going to help me drive calmly? or concentrate???
He KNOWS the entire reason I put off driving in the first place 10 years ago is my best friends' car accident/death--She was 17 and on her way to pick me up for school and for some unknown reason, went off the road and hit a tree. It totally freaked me out, to say the least, andI didn't even feel safe in cars as a PASSENGER until 2 years ago--as he and eevryone who knows me well knows. So, everytime he yells at me or berates me, it sounds to me like he's also implying that I didn't learn anything from what happened to her--and/or that I don't take driving seriously. If anything, I take it TOO seriously. :( Why can't he just be patient???
There's no one else to learn to drive with, *really*, so changing "teachers" is not an option.
And better, eevry night after driving practice, when we get home, he tells my mother what I guess is supposed to be a funny, souped-up version of what he calls my driving "adventures." Exaggerating every damn thing and LAUGHING at me--yeah, Dad, it's funny that driving scares me this much, thanks, real nice--, then calls my brothers and his best friend to tell THEM. Like it's all a big joke. He gets home from work, eats, yells while I drive, makes fun of me to others, then watches TV and goes to bed. NICE. Every night.
And obviously, he and I have no real relationship in the first place, which makes this so much harder. I'm just sick of it, and it gets HARDER for me every night instead of easier....How will I ever be ready to take the test again?? :( One shouldn't be on the verge of tears constantly while operating a vehicle. Arghhhhhh. :(
Any words of encouragement or how-to-stay-calm-while-driving advice? I've bought and read--and am always rereading--a bunch of "new driver" books, I bought a video about the road test and watch that a lot, I post and read on a couple new driver message boards for advice and tips, I practice regardless, I ask questions, I try to stay calm....I feel like I'm doing SO WELL--which is why this hurts so much--and am making such an obvious and BRAVE effort here....Her death has been such a hard thing to work through...Why can't my own father say those magic words: "You know, honey, I'm really proud of you. I know this scares you and you have bad associations with it, but you keep trying, and I admire you for that. Some people would give up--especially after the first two road test attempts--, but YOU haven't." blah blah blah....It just hurts so much. :( And I'm NOT a bad driver...There are things that need improvement--and I *will* improve with time and practice like any other new driver--, but I'm a good driver overall...Why can't be just be nice and patient and understanding??? I'm his DAUGHTER!!!! :( :( :( :(