Irresponsible Sister(long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Irresponsible Sister(long)
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 6:08pm
Hi guys. This kinda goes along w/the message below about disliking our siblings. I don't know where to start. I've written here before about my sister who has a substance abuse problem, mostly vicodin but pretty much any prescription drugs she can get her hands on. I haven't seen her or her kids since Christmas and the only communication she and I have is thru email. Her husband wrote me a very hurtful email in January basically blaming my mom and to some degree my dad for my sister's drug problem. He told me to tell my mom that she is no longer welcome in their house because he believes she makes my sister abuse drugs(which is ridiculous!). He said more hateful things like that; it felt like he attacked me and my family. After that, understandably my dh and I did not feel comfortable going over to visit w/them. I wouldn't be so torn about this(never liked BIL that much anyway) but they have 2 kids, my niece(4yrs) and nephew(8yrs, 9 on Thurs) who I miss terribly.

A couple months ago, my sister emailed me asking if I'd still like to have a counseling session w/them so we can talk. This was something that I had offered before but they did not respond to it. So of course I said yes. Well here it is July and we still haven't had the meeting. First her counselor supposedly cancelled, then the counselor wanted to just meet w/my sister and BIL first and then they cancelled. I offered my counselor, of course my sister didn't respond to that. I feel she is either back on drugs and/or scared that stuff will get out because she is lying to me about what's going on as well as lying to her husband. Something seems fishy to me.

Another reason I feel like she could be back on drugs is that we go for a few weeks in constant email contact and then suddenly, w/out warning I won't hear from her for a couple of weeks, it has gone as far as months before. It seems that when we're in constant contact, she is on a "high", filling me in on things, etc. It's like an up and down thing, if she didn't have a substance abuse problem I would worry that she might be bi-polar!

Today I wrote her just to check in since it's been a couple weeks now since I last heard from her. She actually wrote right back telling me they got a dog. Okay, this is a woman who can barely take care of herself which makes me worry about the kids, how can she get another dog!? They had adopted a puppy a few years ago and never took the time to train it properly and of course w/2 young kids in the house it was chaos. It ended up having some disease and they gave it back to where the got it. So then what do they do? They adopt a kitten! Kittens and puppies are just like babies, they need alot of care and alot of sleep but of course w/the kids all they wanted to do was play w/it, and grab it and chase it around the house. W/my sister hardly functioning on her own because of the drugs, this was not a good environment for the kitten(or the kids for that matter). So of course the kitten became very scared of people and never came out from under the bed. Now that same kitten ran away a couple of months ago, never to return. So what's their response? They get a dog!?!

I'm so angry w/her. She is so irresponsible and what is her husband doing? He's just as sick as she is but he won't admit it. I know I can't control what they do but it's so frustrating to see how irresponsible they are being and the fact that her poor kids are affected by it all, just furiates me!!!

And another thing, my nephew's birthday is this Thursday. I will be out of town but I have tentatively made plans w/my sister to have him over the next weekend. I'm thinking that if I don't hear from her w/definite plans by next week, that I will just show up at their house, at least to drop off his presents.

Well, anyway, sorry this is so long but thanks to you who read through it all. I appreciate any feedback and advice you may have or simply the fact that you read my message!