Its that time of year again, Holiday H E

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Its that time of year again, Holiday H E
2
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 9:53am
double toothpicks. My mom was here on Saturday, and before she left, she wanted to know about the holidays. She was tremulous when she asked, so I knew something was up. She had asked me about Christmas in a previous conversation, but said nothing about T-day, so I assumed she would be spending it with my sister. This time, she wanted to know about T-day. So, I asked her if anyone else was going to be there. My sister and her family may or may not be there. Now, I will not be there if they are. The last time this happened, my sister canceled at the last minute, so we saved the day and changed our plans so my parents wouldn't be alone. What am I supposed to do this year? Wait for my sister to make up her mind at the last minute?

And then, there is Christmas. We are Atheist, so we don't do Christmas. We throw a big Solstice party, and we have a nice family time before the guests arrive. Because it is not Christmas, my mom won't come, but she expects us to be at her house for Christmas Eve. As you can tell, I am a bit upset about the whole thing. Even though I have stepped out of so much of my family's BS, when it comes to the holidays, I still get caught up in it. How do I step out of this mess?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 12:31pm
I understand that you don't want to spend the holidays with your sister. My sister and I do not get along. She is a self-centered bully, and I do not want anything to do with her until she matures (she's 28 going on 12).

I do not understand why you do not want to spend Christmas Eve with your mom. I know you don't celebrate Christmas, but your mother does. Your mother wants to celebrate the holiday with you. Spending the day with her doesn't mean you have to abandon your beliefs. It just means respecting your mom's beliefs. Of course, you may not want to go because your sister will be there. In that case, I understand completely. Still, I encourage you to spend time with your mom around Christmas if not Christmas Eve. I would hate it if my mom was alone on the holidays.

As far as T-day goes, your sister not being able to decide is obnoxious but there might be a good reason. Either way, don't let it ruin your day. If you want to go make plans with your mom, you can always cancel if your sister decides to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 5:20pm
All that you said about your sister applies to my sister except that she is 40 (I am 39) and has a DD who is very much like her. She is a consumate liar, who convinces herself that she isn't the one lying, and then makes everyone else suffer twice as many consequences as she is if they dare suggest that she is in the wrong. I have put my life on hold way too many times in the past waiting for her to make a decision, or completely revamping plans because she all of a sudden can or cannot do what we had not or had planned. I won't do it anymore. If my parents choose to, that is their problem.

As far as Christmas Eve, I have a problem with the fact that she refuses to participate in our family holiday, but we are expected to participate in hers. The one year that she did attend, she seemed to have a wonderful time the entire day, but something happened that year and she had some sort of problem because she associated it with the pagan holiday which has nothing to do with how we celebrate it. We are not worshipping any pagan Gods, we are not making any sacrifices, basically, we do not give the day any more meaning other than the fact that it is the shortest day of the year. Thats it, really. As usual, she is reading more into it than is there. If we were pagans, I would understand entirely why she would want nothing to do with it, and I would respect her enough not to ask her. Yet, she expects us to celebrate something that we don't believe in. Seeing her on another day would mean that she would not see my SD because she spends the rest of the holday season with her BF's blended families. There is really not another day that is good until after the New Year because I work for those people who do celebrate Christmas, work celebrations, etc....