In-law frustrations

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
In-law frustrations
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 8:27pm

I really just need to vent as I rally need to bite my tongue to people about this. My Husband and I are expecting our first child (yay) I'm at the 3 month mark now. We are both 35 so we are still in the process of deciding what if any of all these recommended tests we may or may not do (which are all based on our age) My husband, (sadly I say stupidly) mentioned to him mom today that it was suggested to us to have an amino done. She apparently went off the deep end (she's religious and I think he honestly forgets how much sometimes) ANyway, She basically told him that we should not get any tests done. That She would be appalled by any child of hers who would consider aborting

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 9:16pm

Be grateful that you don't live close!

Anyhow, perhaps things are getting to you a bit more because of the hormones, but still, she's opinionated and maybe your hubby ought not to tell you these things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2002
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 12:11am
If your husband feels he needs to respond to her regarding these, he can always tell her, that he knows what she means about the test, but with today's medical knowledge there is so many things they can correct while the baby is still in the womb. With regards to the shower he can tell her that it is a party being thrown in your honor and that as such you can not control when they choose to hold the party. They are the host, you can not tell them when and how to give you this "gift". That would be rude.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 9:43am

Please don't let this aggravation spoil what should be the most joyous time of your life. As far as what tests to do and not do, follows your instincts. If someone wants to give you a shower, let them. Pregnancy and childbirth are the most natural things in the world (really) and I don't see how any time could be considered *too soon* to have a shower. Have 2 showers if you want and consider yourself blessed.

It all depends on the couple...some want as much information as possible and others don't.

My MIL was pretty good for the most part, and for several years (and 2 births) she lived nearby. Her gripe with me was that I didn't let her do enough. For instance, at the beach one day my middle child got hurt and I had to take her to the ER. I think she was 3, and I had a baby and an older boy as well. She got mad that I didn't call her so she could get a cab and meet me at the hospital. I am very independent, I like to do things on my own, in my own way. I had to explain to her that while I appreciated her willingness to help me that I really preferred doing things on my own, I find it way way less stressful.

You have to set the precedent and your husband. Less stress later on. Like I said, follow your instincts. Best advice I ever got and I share it whenever I can~


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 10:03am

From now on, I'd be very careful with information I shared with your IL's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 12:56pm

Thank you for teh words! This is definately a better way for m eto look at the whole situation. and your right about hte shower for sure. THat is her issue and I imagine if she really disagrees with it then she can just not come:) I think on some leve she knows better than to say such things to me as I would absolutely get in her face about it. I have no issue telling her how i feel or when i think she has over stepped bounds. Which I gues fortunately, I've never had to....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 1:02pm

Thank you all for the wonderful advice and for listening to my woes. Part of my biggest trouble i realize is that my mom is completely the opposite of my MIL. My mom is very forth coming with information when I ask say about family past, health etc, but is also very willing to listen and supports any decision i make..She will express her concerns to me, but will also follow that with the statement of "i love you and will support whatever you choose" So i get flustered with MIL who is so quick to impose her opinion and to not express that she will support us regardless. You guys all gave me a lot of good advice and HUsband and I have since discussed what we will share to whom in the future to avoid such furstrations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 1:14pm
Why does it have to be THAT important? (The way she thinks and what she says).You´re giving to much weigh to her words and opinions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 4:36pm

First, you are NOT having your shower too early.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 11:52pm


Firstly Congratulations ! Thats great that your having a new baby - theres nothing more special than that.

Im sure your feeling very raw about your MIL, and I agree with someone else about you giving too much weight to what she says. Mil's often say things and do things that irritate us to no end, you need a thick skin.

Personally, Im superstitious. I have 3 kids, and never wanted to do ANYTHING to the nursery until the baby was born. I didnt want little gifts brought into the house , my DH had to keep everything in the garage until the baby was born.

So when I was in hospital, he set about putting the cot together and getting a few things in order. i think it was fun for him too. All the presents were brought into the house only after the baby was boen, and then I had friends and family come and visit me at home to see the baby.

So in terms of the Baby shower - If it was me, I would opt for a lovely girls night out and have the presents sent to you later on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 6:47pm