Letting go.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Letting go.......
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 11:09pm

I am a43 yr old married woman, and I have Three children my oldest is 20 yrs old - daughter, Nadia.. and my middle Amanda 18 yrs old.. and my son the youngest 12 yrs old,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 12:51am

That's rough. Let me ask... do you have a good relationship with them, but they're just moving physically out of your house? Or are they shutting you out? A lot of mothers get upset when their kids leave the house, but you'll get through it. It's like anything else in life that happens that we get over, learn to live without and move on. Your daughters haven't left the country, so that helps, right? Are they still in your state?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:46am

Oh, my.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 12:46pm

I think you've been taking care of people's needs for so long that you don't know what to do with yourself. Even teenagers need supervision and chauffering. My mum didn't know what to do with herself either. She clamped down on me tightly when I was turning twenty. At 23, I still lived at home, because I busy paying off the student loans. She and I were constantly at odds. She treated me like I was 16.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 3:13pm


I can only imagine what you are going through, as my oldest is only 10.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:33pm

My heart goes out to you...it is soo, sooo difficult to see our children grow up.

What is the hardest thing about this for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 12:48am

Been there, done that.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 3:07pm


I think the others here have given you some great insights. I can understand how your older daughter moving out on her own is making you feel like mourning. Well, you are mouring a loss. Change, even good change, can be very difficult to process and live through. Often you won't see the grace in it until much later.

As for your soon-to-be high school graduate I think you're suffering more from anxiety about her leaving home. That's worse than the reality: imaging what may happen or how you might feel. Try not to project your anxiety about what may happen 3 or 6 months from now on yourself or her for now. Enjoy her last weeks as a h.s. senior, celebrate her graduation, and rejoice in her plans for the future.

Remember, you will always be their mother.